I've just realized how truly pathetic I really am; no, really. See, I've always been rather shy- one of those people who just blends into the walls. The thing is, when I'm around people that I trust, I do a complete turnabout and start acting like a rabid chinchilla or an angry gerbil. Seriously. I bounce, I squeak, I scream, I hiss, I make perverted comments in annoying voices, I basically turn into an annoying, happy, morbid bitch. So all of my friends have a really hard time reconciling the me they typically see and the me that the rest of the world gets to view; they all assume that I'm loud and outspoken around everyone. But I'm not.

A really long time ago (relatively, I'm still just a kid and probably will be until I'm 33 1/2 (just seventeen years, one month, thirteen hours, and 36 minutes from now!)) I wanted to be president. I'm not shitting you, I really did. Wait, actually I wanted to save the president (who would be one of my friends from elementary school but would have forgotten me by this point in time) from assassins or something, and I would be publicly awarded or something like that and eventually we would get married. I think I was 11. I had this horrible crush on this guy who probably will become president, if not of this country then of some small island nation from which he will go on to take over the world- but that's not really relevant. The point is that I used to want to do something important or be somebody important. But then it ocurred to me (not that long ago, but a few good years) that I don't want to do that. I like blending in with the woodwork. I don't want to be noticed. I want to live my life peacefully, own a bunch of cats, have a few very close friends, an on-again-off-again boyfriend who won't take me too seriously and who won't take himself too seriously either (who is also emotionally stable enough to take care of himself), a nice computer and a comfortable job with plenty of room for creativity but not too much stress. I don't want to be the president's wife, I don't want to save the world- I just want to, you know, live.

And eat cookies, but that, too, is beside the point.