Lyrics, for no real reason at all. I suppose they're a bit Von-ish in places, but not especially so. I like The Cure. *shrug* And it was playing on the radio in Blanchard at lunch.

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
- "Love Song", The Cure

The apartment was empty- finally. A heavy silence hung over the expensive leather furniture and the expensive yet tasteful art on the walls, smothering the expensive carpets and filling in the cracks between the expensive windows and expensive walls.

He hated it. Zyn was gone, moved in with Cata and Ari'i because he couldn't deal with an unstable avatar and because- let's just face it, it's the truth- he was afraid of Von.

Von kept his conscience in a cage in the back of his head, and threw a heavy black cloth over it most of the time to keep it from getting noisy. Right now it was screaming bloody murder, and he was ignoring it.

A shadow followed him from room to room, silent and judgemental. Von ignored her, too. He always did- she was worse than his conscience. He stepped out onto the balcony and surveyed the smouldering wreck that had been his skyline only a week ago. Some of the fires were still burning.

Not my problem anymore, now is it? Nothing was, really.

"You are a fool, and I hate you."

"I'm hurt, Umbra. Really, damaged to the depths of my heart. Didn't you love me, once? Didn't everyone love me, once? Or is that just a vain delusion of mine, something brought on by one too many bites to the neck?"

"You're delusional now, certainly." The shadow slid along the ground and across the railing. "You're driving them away on your own, just like last time."

"Last time? Last time?" His voice cracked on the last syllable. "Last time the two people I loved more than anything else in the world left me to die, but not before Aleks added insult to injury by marrying her and inviting me- and Sable. How could he do that to her? How could he do that to me, and how could Giselle let him?"

"You don't remember everything-"

"I remember plenty, you ragged piece of shit. I distinctly remember shooting myself in the head, which I fucking well wouldn't have done without a damn good reason. And now history repeats itself once again, as the other three go their merry ways and leave me alone with you."

"You didn't hate me then."

"You didn't do anything to help them- any of them. You didn't even try to save Sable, and now Cata is going through the same thing all over again while Zyn fills in for Aleks and doesn't have a fucking clue why. You used us then and you're using us now- how far is it going to go? Should I just shoot myself now and save myself the trouble of doing it later?"

The air around him stilled completely for a single, dangerous moment, and then a sudden gust picked him up off the ground and slammed him through the glass door with bone shattering force. Von landed on the floor of his living room amongst the shards of glass and laughed weakly, blood seeping from a thousand tiny cuts and a few larger puncture wounds. "You've ruined my carpets, bitch. You should watch your temper."

The shadow stood over him, the holes of her eyes showing the blue of the sky through them. "I should kill you now and get it over with." Her voice was stronger now, more than a whisper in his head, and her form was nearly solid, glutted on blood and pain. "You forget yourself, Gavin-Von-Creliss-Paralda. We were made for each other, and we were made for this purpose and this purpose alone. If you kill yourself, if I kill you- it won't matter. I'll find you again."

The air was still and silent again. "You think you remember so much, Von, and you think history reapeats itself. You're right- it does. But you only remember so much; compared to what I remember, it is nothing more than the blink of an eye in the space of eternity. This isn't the first time you've grown restless, and I doubt it will be the last."

He couldn't move, and there was blood in his mouth, creeping up from his lungs. Whoops, dead again. Guess I'm out of the game this time.

"Our lives are not a game, Ventus. This is who we are, who we will always be."

"What...did you...call me...?" He could barely speak.

"Go to sleep, Von. You'll feel better when you wake up."

Not again... He saw her reach towards him with a tendril of shadow, and then saw nothing but darkness.

---------

Jesus, Umbra, quit acting like you walked off the set of Queen of the Damned. You're not a blood sucking fiend any more than Nocturne is. *sigh*

Snow very nearly recreates the same sort of silence one encounters at two in the morning; nothing actually moves when it's snowing, you know. Everything is still, everything is quiet. I could totally write a paper write now- but then, it's morning right now, and I love working in the morning when I'm awake. That's important- I have to be awake.

"Mad World" is an awesome snow song. So is "Wind," but "Wind" is a pretty awesome song anyway, Engrish apart. "The Glorious Ones" is not a snow song at all, it's most definitely a sunshine, mountain climbing, inspiring, get-off-your-ass-and-go-to-class kind of song. Guess I ought to take my own advice, eh?

I love snow...I just hate going outside in it.

I love it when I make references to things I haven't written yet. I feel like such an idiot when I do that- particularly when it's a reference to something obscure that I haven't written yet.

Woof.

*shakes head* I also just adore my characters when they can't decide if they're being angsty or fluffy- that's always fun. I look back over what I've written and go 'wtf, mate?' and just feel confused.

Shadow, I'm looking at you.

Lyrics!

No time no place to talk about the weather
The promise of love is hard to ignore
You said the chance wasn’t getting any better
Labour of love is ours to endure
The highest branch on the apple tree
It was my favourite place to be
I could hear them braking free
But they could not see me
I will run for shelter
Endless summer lift the curse
It feels like nothing matters
In our private universe

I have all I want is that simple enough
There’s a whole lot more I’m thinking of
Every night about six o’clock
The birds come back to the palm to talk
They talk to me, birds talk to me
If I go down on my knees
I will run for shelter
Endless summer lift the curse
It feels like nothing matters
In our private universe

And it’s a pleasure that I have known
And it’s a treasure that I have gained
And it’s a pleasure that I have known
It’s a tight squeeze but I won’t let go
Love is on the table and the dinner’s cold
I will run for shelter
Endless summer lift the curse
Feels like nothing matters
In our private universe
-"Private Universe," Crowded House

Actors really are the opposite of people.

Tom Roth played Guildenstern in Ros and Guil are dead, directed, written and whatnot by Tom Stoppard. He also had a fairly major role in Vatel, co-written by Tom Stoppard. He worked next to Gary Oldman in Ros and Guil, who was married to Uma Thurman, who was the lead female in Vatel. Gary Oldman also got arrested for drunk driving while driving around with Kiefer Sutherland.

I'm sure if I tried hard enough, I'd get to Kevin Bacon. *giggle* Too much fun. Gary Oldman's first name is Leonard, but he sometimes goes by the handle "Maurice Escargot."

So in love. :)

On a side note, CHOICES FUCKING SUCK.

...hardcore.

Cain is dead sexay
Cecil looks stoned
Rosa is the devil

I'll figure out how to fit all three portraits into one picture eventually...right now I'm just really pleased with the way the hair and skintones came out. Cain still looks a little off, since he's more olive-colored than peachish like the other two. I swear Cecil's outline isn't purple because I think he's a wuss. He's not a wuss, really, and I ought to find a proper picture of him to compare so people can see that he's supposed to look much better. He's still the prettiest thing since sliced bread, I just can't do him justice.

Cain looks mad wicked, though, which is good. This whole picture reminds me of the Seventh Hour thing I did last year where I went crazy all out with the special effects and the background stuff. That picture was insane, but I still love it. Of course, I can look at it now and realize exactly how off it looks, but damnit, it's shiny. Really shiny. And it's been nearly a year since I attempted anything that big. Hopefully I won't ruin this pic when I finish it.

*arthurrah*

No, I don't have any concept of what a light source is, why do you ask? (First arting of the year, and I decide to go all out and kill myself. Oi.)

Think I'll have zoup for dinner. Mmm, zoup.

The alternative title for this picture? "I Shall Not Fear the Nostril." Kinda catchy, doncha think?

And Cecil, I still think you're the prettiest thing on the face of the planet, but does your hair have to be such a fucking pain in the ass? I couldn't just take the smudge tool to it like I did with Cain and Rosa, no, I have to actually pencil in the shading lines and all that other shit. Don't even get me started on your nose- all these years I never drew this picture because I figured it would be Cain who would be such a pain in the ass, but no- fucking space alien.

(I'm having fun. Lots of fun. God only knows what I'm going to do for a background...my only real issue is with Cain's skin color, but I can play with it 'til it looks right. *happy*)

In the end, of course, I just take the smudge tool to his head anyway, so he doesn't look out of place against the others. *d'oi*

Favorite OC moment of the night:

"He makes Ryan look funny."
"He makes Marissa look funny."
"Why don't you get yourself some funnier friends?"

Other favorite moment is when Ryan, Oliver, and Luke all show up at Marissa's locker. *snicker* Oh, hilarity. Oh, angst. Oh, wow, I love this show. Alas, they have Ryan wearing actual shirts now, instead of just the wifebeaters.

Favoritest moment of all: Ryan going postal. Mmm, postal Ryan.

Aaahhh, Seth losing virginity trauma! Why is it going to take three weeks until the next new OC episode? *weeping*

In other news, I've been working slowly but steadily on some fanarting of the FFIV variety. Browsing through Japanese sites is inspiring, to say the least. Haven't done any arting all year, which is sad. *le sigh* I want a graphire 3. Don't need one, my graphire 2 still works fine, it's just a bit scratched up, but Molly's graphire 3 fills me with amazing jealousy.

*yawn* Sleeping soon, I think...trying out a new lineart style for the fanart; I want to do something a little different for a set of Renegades pics, as well. Writing-wise, the only thing I've been interested in writing is that fucking fanfic. >_< Originality? Bah.

Given that I am an absolute CD whore, I think I would be just as happy getting a copied CD as a gift as getting the actual CD...doesn't matter that you'd spend twenty bucks on the one and maybe three on the other; so long as I get music, I'll be happier than a clam with a mouthful of krill. Mix CDs, too- love those. Sure, they're cop-out gifts, but I love getting them.

It just seems, to me, that I am ridiculously easy to get gifts for. The rest of you people are utterly impossible.

Currently I am making it my goal to find and download every version of the Final Fantasy Crystal Theme. There ought to be eleven of them, not including remixes and piano/choral versions. However, in VIII, the Crystal Theme is only played at the very end of the game, in the last thirty seconds of the final FMV and into the end screen. I have yet to see it; I could probably look up the track listings for the soundtrack and find out if it's there or not. I aslo can't find V or IX, which is odd because they're the last FFs that actual use the crystals as plot points.

I've no idea who did the music for 1-3, so there's a possibility that the Crystal Theme wasn't even introduced until IV. I doubt that's true; it's kind of funny how a series of arpeggios defines a genre for me but hells, I was convinced that VIII wasn't properly part of the series until I beat the game and heard the music. I can't imagine IX not having a version of it because of all the other references (musical and otherwise) to previous games; that song is, perhaps, one of the most memorable aspects of the series as a whole, right up there with chocobos, moogles, and Bahamut. (Bahamut in mythology (not dungeons and dragons) was actually a giant Mesopotamian fish, similar to the turtle with the world on its back in certain Native American and Asian traditions. Giant fish, bigass dragon- it's all the same, right?)

While I'm on the subject of music..."Silence" by Delirium featuring Sarah Machlachlan is an awesome song, and not just because it's Sarah or because it's called "Silence" or because of the Gregorian chanting. ...Really, I'm sure there are more reasons than that. I'll think of some eventually. :)

I miss my violin, and the dreams that plague me have been strange of late. *sigh*

"You want the short answer or the long answer?" This entire line of questioning had the gambler flustered; he was shuffling a deck of cards with quick, jerky movements.

"Short. You'll never shut up, otherwise."

"In that case, I'm only sleeping with you for your sense of humor."

"..."

"Fine. We saved the world. What do you do after you save the world? Not a whole fucking lot, really. I was bored, you were availible-"

"Availible?"

"In a manner of speaking. You were a challenge. Are a challenge. You're an asshole, but at least you're interesting. And- fuck. Nevermind. I needed something to do, and you happened to be convenient." There was a moment of pregnant silence as they both chose to ignore his unfortunate choice of words.

"Setzer, do you know what I do when I'm bored?"

"Read a good book?"

Shadow's grin was fleeting, the barest flash of teeth. "I kill people." The knife he'd been sharpening embedded itself in the wall beside Setzer's head.

"Well, then." Far from being unnerved, Setzer smiled sweetly and tugged the blade free without looking at it. "I suppose I'll just have to make sure you're kept sufficiently...occupied." The knife landed with a thwock in the table beside Shadow's hand.

"Indeed." The assassin returned to sharpening his knives.
------------------------------

So, I started this thing maybe two years ago- probably more, I don't really remember. It's been a while. I've no idea where I got the idea from, since there are exactly three fics with this pairing on the net, and one of them's mine, but is really just a fragment so it doesn't count. I'm not counting the crazy AU thing that I haven't read. When I started writing it, it had been at least three years since I'd last played the game and I wasn't giving a single thought to characterization or circumstance or plot or any of those necessary things.

Really, I do most things without have a clue as to what I'm doing. Anyway. I have 16000 words, not counting the bits and pieces on the blog and elsewhere, and no concrete plot, just loosely connected scenes. I think I've finally decided what to do with that lack of a plot, and to make it work, I'm going to have to discard nearly ten thousand of those words. That's twenty of my thirty-two pages. *weeping*

This will be known as the fic that was written by deleting itself. There's something very zen in that, but that doesn't change the fact that I like a few of those scenes and I'm going to have to drop them. *sigh*

Also, in order to write the original fic I had planned, I've now got to write backstory for the main characters and the prominently figured minor characters, which means side stories. Excessively long side stories, in some cases.

What was once one has become three, and I don't even like writing fanfic. However, it has become clear to me that these two idiots belong together, because otherwise they'd kill each other. ...Or something. (They bicker. That's my only reasoning behind it. They bicker, all the time, unless they're being sappy or angsty.) I've said logic has very little to do with my concept of a slashable pairing, haven't I?

Well, consider it said now.

I don't find myself capable of strong emotion most of the time, which usually leads me to live a somewhat more relaxed and peaceful life than I see the people around me leading. I do guilt quite extravagantly, but that's not quite the same.

It's nice, however, when you see things almost resolved that hadn't been resolved before.

And lo, she lives. And I won't do a damn thing, because it's not my place to say anything and it's not my place to interfere when it's been made clear to me that I am not needed.

I don't write sappy love poetry, it's not my style and I'm too cynical about emotions of affection to do it. I'm almost tempted to now, but I won't because I have no clever turns of phrase.

My head still hurts and I want nothing more than to go to sleep again...

But I'm happy.

"I...don't think this is a very good idea."

"Eh? Oh, come on! It'll be fun. We'll stir up the masses, incite a few riots, start a lynching or two, and be home in time for brunch. What's not a good idea about it?"

"You really have no notion of how utterly wrong that statement was, do you?"

"Look at me, the morally deficient wonder! Now come on, or we'll be late getting back and they'll eat all the pancakes."

Yay, new O.C! Damnit, I missed the last one. There was Ryan relationship angst! Poor boy just needs to get over Marissa and realize Seth is his soulmate. Don't care if it's in a gay or non-gay way, the two of 'em are meant to be together.

Oh, Ryan and his sense of humor. So much joy.

Aw, Seth is jealous! And pitiful. (Why do I love this show so much? Why? It isn't right, I shouldn't, it's really not all that well done- oh. Right. Seth.)

Oh, Luke. *adore* Oh, Luke and Ryan. *adore* Oh, Luke, Ryan, and Seth. *adore* Not necessarily all together, just in general. Even if Luke is a moron. *sigh* He really shouldn't be that much of a moron.

Marissa, *hate hate hate despise.* Oliver, *love adore* ...Actually, on second thought, Oliver *smack.* But still with the *love adore* 'cuz you're distracting Marissa from Ryan. Excellent.

Summer, Anna? *love love adore love*

I'm in awe of my own stupidity. *le sigh* I'll get over it eventually, I s'ppose.

Want to see Big Fish. Want to see Peter Pan again, too- if you see nothing else other than RotK, see Peter Pan. It's absolutely gorgeous, and even if the Peter/Wendy romance might have been a bit over done. Just a smidge. Not so much that it pissed me off, just enough that bits of it were treacley. The utter and absolute shininess of the whole movie makes up for it. And Jason Isaacs? *love love adore love glomp* Oh, Hook. And the strappy leather thingy that the hook connects to? Mmm, fanservice. And not so much even with the hot old man thing, just with the really nifty leather strappy thing and the evil. And Peter and the little boy and the evil. And the pretty and the clouds and the scenery and the yay.

Excuse me as I go incoherent. Whee. It was quite shiny. I'm not overly fond of the boy who played Peter's acting ability, but in terms of look and attitude, he was completely perfect. The other kids- Wendy and the Lost Boys- were all utterly adorable and wonderful. Wendy, especially, was terrific. A little intense and kind of creepy at times, but terrific.

Jason Isaacs is so absolutely amazing I don't even have words to describe it. As both Hook and Mr Darling, he was utterly perfect. *shivers* And the Hook/Peter interaction towards the end. Guh. Just in terms of the handling of emotion and the sort of backstory you can fill in and the question of what the hell Peter is. Not being a creepy slash fanatic, just being in awe of the story and the film direction. Need to read the book. Definitely need to read the book.

Mmm, books.

Still in awe of my own stupidity, though.

Seifer, you're a little bitch, but yes, "Harder to Breathe" is yours. Yours and Ultimecia's, so take it and have a ball. (Or angst, whichever is more convenient. Bitch.)

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
-Maroon 5, "Harder to Breathe"

Squall, you don't get a song because I don't like you. Now get thee to a plot, and it had better not be "Squall breaks down and Seifer/Quistis/Zell/Selphie/Laguna/Rinoa/Xu saves him from himself," just like every single other VIIIfic out there. Don't care how mentally and emotionally unstable you are, I want an actual plot with something vaguely original about it.

*le sigh* I think I really like Maroon 5- they're like some sort of unholy mix of alternative rock and...stuff. Not entirely sure what. They claim it's funk and r&b, which it kind of is, I suppose. They're like an anti-boyband. I mean, come on, look at their name. It's just a step away from being 5ive or The Backstreet Boys or something equally silly. Not that Kara's Flowers was a much better name, but still. (Dun mind me when I'm being random, I do rather like them.) *kicks things* I could've seen them opening for Jason Mraz in June had my dad not been, y'know, a bum. Alas. (Not really annoyed, just a bit whistful. It would've been cool.)

Lot of musicalish things lately. Been listening to some random stuff lately. Did y'all know Nickelback was Canadian? I shall have to reevaluate my original impression of them, based on this knowledge. ("How You Remind Me" was as overplayed as that stupid Staind song a few years back, causing me to attack my eardrums with a spoon every time I heard it.) I'm rather fond of "Someday." Someone wants to claim it, I'm sure, but I can't decide who to give it to.

Ought to do some actual writing; definitely ought to get some reading done. Tomorow I have to read Queen of the Damned. All of it. Good thing I didn't have anything else planned...*grin*

Yesterday's fortune cookie:
Someone from your past will come back and steal your heart.

Today's fortune cookie:
Find release from your cares and have a good time.

Think I need to lay off the Chinese food. *head. wall. thudthudthud*
(Creepy and dirty. Oi.)

Len, I thought I already gave you a soundtrack. And fuck, I already gave you Edgar A. fucking Poe, why do you want the band Poe as well? Greedy little girl. Go ahead, take "Hey Pretty." Take "Wild," too, if you must. *rolls eyes* I suppose you'll be wanting that rewrite of the whole fucking plot then? On a silver platter? Oi.

Sanzo and his AMV claimed this song first, you know. Just 'cause you have seniority doesn't mean you get to be a theivy little brat.


Well it's 3a.m. I'm out here driving again
Through the wicked winding streets of my world
I take a wrong turn break it but I'm too far gone
I've got a siren on my tale and that's not the fine
I'm looking for


I see a stairway so I follow it down
Into the belly of a whale
Where my secrets echo all around
You know me now but to do better than that
You've got to follow me
Boy I'm trying to show you where I'm at


Hey pretty
Don't you wanna take a ride with me?
Through my world
Hey pretty
Don't you wanna kick and slide with me
Through my world


Well I've got a mind full of wicked desings
I've got a non-stop-whole in my head-imagination
I can't forget I am a sole architect
I built the shadows here
I built the growl in the voice I fear
You know me now but to do better than that
You've got to follow me
Boy I'm triing to show you where I'm at


Hey pretty
Don't you wana take a ride with me?
Through my world
Hey pretty
Don't you wanna kick and slide with me
Through my world
Hey pretty
My pretty baby
Rock it through my world


Hey now
Can't you feel me longing
Hey now
You get the gist of the song now?
Hey now...
-Poe, "Hey, Pretty"

Dude, the orchestrated version of the snowfield theme is absolutely gorgeous. Not fair that this game has such amazing music, it makes me feel like a traitor to my roots...*sigh*

Wish I could find a translation of the lyrics- about all I can understand is 'kore wa'...so pretty.

'Twas the day after new years, and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse- the children were snoring but not in their beds, as visions of beer bottles danced through their heads...
------------------------------------------

"You're a day late." There was no snow on the ground this year, only the faintest gleam of frost at the edge of the grass.

"And a dollar short, but hey, I brought booze." Dei walked through the door uninvited, and handed his coat to Jance. "If you keep sneering like that, your face'll stick that way, you know."

Jance wondered idly why Dei chose today, of all days, to appear on the doorstep. "What makes you think it hasn't?"

"Can't be sure of anything around you people, that's why. Where's my brother and his blushing bride?"

"Opal stopped blushing some time after her third bottle of champagne; she's on the kitchen floor, I believe. Tyler is passed out on the roof. Last I checked, Jubal and Len were under a table somewhere- they were rather disappointed when you didn't show up in time for New Years."

Dei scowled and pulled a beer out of the bag he was carrying. He popped the tab one handed and gave it to Jance, then pulled one out for himself. "They should be grateful I'm here at all."

"I'm sure they would be if any of them were still conscious. You seem to think you're the only person with reasons to hate this time of year." Jance drank the beer and didn't bother to taste it; Opal and Tyler had invited him to join them in their annual mourning celebration, but he had declined, as always. Forgetting, even for a little while, was not something he was willing to do.

Dei shrugged and carefully avoided looking at anything at all. "You don't have to stay here, you know. With them."

"An' where, pray tell, would Ah go?" He looked down and cursed silently. He'd been slipping in and out of dialect more often lately.

"Anywhere. Someplace that didn't remind you of...everything."

They had wandered into another room, and Dei sat down carefully on the floor, stretching his legs out and kicking off his shoes. Jance sat across from him and tucked one knee under his chin and stared at the floor. "I don't want to forget." He couldn't, anyway; everytime he closed his eyes, he saw butterflies curling up into twists of silvery ash. Leaving wouldn't change that. Drinking wouldn't change that.

Nothing would change the fact that she was gone.

He glanced up and saw Dei watching him- not judging, not condemning, simply watching with eyes that were not the color of fire or ice. He let his own eyes close, and watched her die all over again. "I can't forget."

"I know." He heard Dei uncork something and take a long drink. "I know."

---------------------------------

So now we can only manage post New Year's Boffo angst apparently. Let's put this oh...fifteen, twenty years after the story? That's probably about right, since Dei goes of to be an angstmuffin for a decade or so, and then occasionally makes random appearances in Opal and Tyler's life. It'll take him about fifty years to actually show up for New Year's, I think, but he can manage the day after so long as he's got plenty of alcohol. (Drunks, the lot of them, they're all just fucking alcoholics, I swear...*g*)

Forgotten how much I like Jance. I liked Cara just as much, but of course I had to go and kill her off permanently. She, unlike Lucifer, didn't have any contingency plans. *sigh*

The butterflies are a reference to Cara in her demon form; she had giant black and irridescent blue butterfly wings, and antennae. Jance looks somewhat like a lizard in his demon form; rather scaly skin and a tail. Horns, too, and spinal ridges. Ought to see if I can't draw them...

la.

Fuck it. This was a shitty year. A really shitty year. There's no point in looking back and doing a month by month overview when it was such. a. shitty. year.

Some day I'll realize that there is no point in looking back, and I'll learn to look forward instead.

...I'll let you know how that goes. Give me twenty years, maybe, and we'll see if I get better or worse.

I'm betting worse.

Sleeping patterns shot to hell, what can I say- I've got a lapfull of cat and a blanket so I can ignore the fact that once again, it's fricken' freezing in this fucking house.

Some things really do never change, and I've hit that point where I'm too tired to want to go to sleep again.

This is no time to be dramatic. *shrug* So I'll stop, and maybe I'll go to sleep.

Then again, maybe I won't.