It's sitting by the overcoat,
The second shelf, the note she wrote
That I can't bring myself to throw away
And also
Reach she said for no one else but you,
Cuz you won't turn away
When someone else is gone
I'm sorry 'bout the attitude
I need to give when I'm with you
But no one else would take this shit from me
And I'm so
Terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away
It's me, and I can't get myself to go away
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way, no
[chorus]
Reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me
It's been a long day, always ain't that right
And no Lord your hand won't stop it
Just keep you trembling
It's been a long day, always ain't that right
Well I'm surprised that you'd believe
In any thing that comes from me
I didn't hear from you or from someone else
And you're so
Set in life man, a pisser they're waiting
Too damn bad you get so far so fast
So what, so long
(chorus)
It's me, yeah and I can't get myself to go away
It's me, yeah and I can't get myself to go away
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way
Reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me
It's been a long day, always ain't that right
And no Lord your hand won't stop it
Just keep you trembling
It's been a long day, always ain't that right
-"Long Day," Matchbox 20
I adore this song to pieces, you know. My Matchbox 20 CD skips on the later songs, but this one is number 2, and I love it.
Right now, however, BNL is playing- and this particular album has so many memories attached to it, it physically hurts to listen. Granted, most things are like that, but it still surprises me that I can hear the opening guitar to "Brian Wilson" and suddenly be driving to Philadelphia again. It only hurts in an abstract "Oh, God, why do I still remember?" sort of way, rather than any actual pain from the memories themselves, now. Although "Call and Answer" was a bit surprising- it had to have been eighth grade, which means it was probably summer- the couches were the old, pale green ones. And I said I couldn't stand the song and she said she kind of liked it...
Time wounds all heels, I suppose.
In slightly less banal (but only a bit) news, I'm probably going to work on Tristan's story soon, since he's been shouting a lot lately. He's very loud. *sigh*
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Indulgent Writer's Survey
What's the last thing you wrote?: Few paragraphs of Callo-fic for Vagrant Story, and a few lines of Stella Matin.
Was it any good?: Well, I'm fond of the fic, but that says nothing about its quality. Stella's just weird.
What's the first thing you ever wrote that you still have?: Guh. Bits of generic fantasy stuff from sixth grade or so, I think.
Was it any good?: Nurr. The lack of improvement from then to now is a bit disheartening.
Write poetry?: Yarr.
Angsty poetry?: Used to.
Favorite genre of writing?: To read or to write? To read, mostly good fiction, but especially steampunk, parody fantasy, and urban fantasy...for writing, urban fantasy, because that's what I know. Sort of. Gah, whatever. Do vignettes count as a genre?
Most fun character you ever wrote?: Wait, fun to write, or fun in general? Jubal is fun to write, because if I run out of things for him to say, I just have him curse profusely. Otherwise, Len. Totally Len, both before and after the name change.
Most annoying character you ever wrote?: Dei, when he's in whiny bitch mode. Otherwise, Vincent Bonhomme. The bastard.
Best plot you ever wrote?: My plotting ability blows monkeys for fifty cents a pop.
Coolest plot twist you ever wrote?: See above. Or, I suppose Amulius' whole backstory in Seventh Hour. Not really a plot twist, though.
How often do you get writer's block?: It ain't writers block, it's fucking laziness.
How do you fix it?: Lately? I don't. I used to just sit and force the words- but it always sounds better in my head, and that's always discouraging.
Write fan fiction?: Yarr.
Of what?: Middle skool Final Fantasies, Harry Potter, various anime, various other video games. Rarely books, and never tv shows.
Is it better or worse than your other writing?: Since it's all I seem to be writing these days, probably a little better.
Do you type or write by hand?: More of the former than the latter, but it used to be all by hand. I should probably go back to that; there's less pressure to write anything good when you write by hand.
Do you save everything you write?: Yarr.
Do you ever go back to an old idea long after you abandoned it?: Yarr.
What's your favorite thing that you've written?: The first paragraph of Sunny Hill, and the first six thousand words of Seventh Hour. (Never mind that I never got past that first paragraph, of course...)
What's everyone else's favorite thing that you've written?: I suppose Boffo is all they've ever really seen.
Do you even show people your work?: Define "people" and define "show." I don't count people on ff.net as "people", and I don't count leaving things in the blog for anyone to read as "showing," so the answer would probably be nurr.
Who's your favorite constructive critic?: Dun have very many of those, so anyone who manages constructive criticism becomes a favorite by default.
Do you have a website for your writings?: Yarr.
Did you ever write a novel?: Yarr.
Was is for NaNoWriMo?: Yarr and nurr. Boffo is technically finished and technically novel length, but not for the Nano; DDD is not finished but technically novel length and was done for the Nano.
Have you ever written fantasy, sci-fi, or horror?: Yarr.
Ever written romance or teen angsty drama?: Yarr, sorta.
What's your favorite setting for your characters?: White Hawk, my happy fictional city that sort of resembles Boston, in that it's cleaner than Philly and not New York but on a body of water. There are lots of theme bars with silly names and sillier themes (the Hampsterdance one is the worst, though) and the place is just crawling with zombies.
What's one genre you have never written, and probably never will?: Um...probably straight out romance, and I've little patience for mystery.
How many writing projects are you working on right now?: Working? Hah.
Do you want to write for a living?: Maybe. I used to, now I'm not so sure.
Have you ever written something for a magazine or newspaper?: Highschool litmag and newspaper.
Have you ever won an award for your writing?: Can't remember. Probably nurr.
Ever written something in script or play format?: Yarr.
What are your five favorite words?: Also, fuck, quite, however, goad.
Do you ever parody?: Merr.
What's your favorite thing to parody?: Harry Potter. Myself.
Do you actually like that thing, or are you spitefully making fun of it?: Yarr.
Do you ever write based on yourself?: Yarr.
What character that you've written most resembles yourself?: Opal started out as a self insert. *wallows in shame* But all of them are reflections on myself.
Where do you get ideas for your other characters?: Other people, other people's characters.
Do you ever write based on your dreams?: Yarr.
Do you favor happy endings, sad endings, or cliffhangers?: Happy (sucker for sap), but not so happy that I can't write angsty snippets about the characters afterwards. *coughcoughBoffocough*
Have you ever written based on an artwork you've seen?: Yarr.
Write me a really classy simile: This simile is like Nicole Kidman.
Now write me a really dumb simile: This simile is like a rock. A really dumb one.
Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?: Yarr.
Ever write something entirely in chatspeak? (How r u?): Nurr.
Entirely in L337?: Nurr.
Was that question completely appalling and un-writerlike?: Merr.
Does music help you write?: Yarr.
Do you have a weblog or livejournal?: Yarr. Several.
Do you write your life as if it were one of those journal books?: Merr? Yarr? ...oh. Yeah, the livejournal does read like a stupid diary. Oh well.
Are people surprised and confused when they find out you write well?: Generally they don't. Or I don't. Or something like that.
Quote something you've written. The first thing to pop into your mind!: "It's the fear of the fall that brings you closer to god." Gawd, I'm a pretentious waste of space. Kind of fond of the quote, though.
I dare you to take a personality survey as one of your characters: Yarr.
What's the last thing you wrote?: Few paragraphs of Callo-fic for Vagrant Story, and a few lines of Stella Matin.
Was it any good?: Well, I'm fond of the fic, but that says nothing about its quality. Stella's just weird.
What's the first thing you ever wrote that you still have?: Guh. Bits of generic fantasy stuff from sixth grade or so, I think.
Was it any good?: Nurr. The lack of improvement from then to now is a bit disheartening.
Write poetry?: Yarr.
Angsty poetry?: Used to.
Favorite genre of writing?: To read or to write? To read, mostly good fiction, but especially steampunk, parody fantasy, and urban fantasy...for writing, urban fantasy, because that's what I know. Sort of. Gah, whatever. Do vignettes count as a genre?
Most fun character you ever wrote?: Wait, fun to write, or fun in general? Jubal is fun to write, because if I run out of things for him to say, I just have him curse profusely. Otherwise, Len. Totally Len, both before and after the name change.
Most annoying character you ever wrote?: Dei, when he's in whiny bitch mode. Otherwise, Vincent Bonhomme. The bastard.
Best plot you ever wrote?: My plotting ability blows monkeys for fifty cents a pop.
Coolest plot twist you ever wrote?: See above. Or, I suppose Amulius' whole backstory in Seventh Hour. Not really a plot twist, though.
How often do you get writer's block?: It ain't writers block, it's fucking laziness.
How do you fix it?: Lately? I don't. I used to just sit and force the words- but it always sounds better in my head, and that's always discouraging.
Write fan fiction?: Yarr.
Of what?: Middle skool Final Fantasies, Harry Potter, various anime, various other video games. Rarely books, and never tv shows.
Is it better or worse than your other writing?: Since it's all I seem to be writing these days, probably a little better.
Do you type or write by hand?: More of the former than the latter, but it used to be all by hand. I should probably go back to that; there's less pressure to write anything good when you write by hand.
Do you save everything you write?: Yarr.
Do you ever go back to an old idea long after you abandoned it?: Yarr.
What's your favorite thing that you've written?: The first paragraph of Sunny Hill, and the first six thousand words of Seventh Hour. (Never mind that I never got past that first paragraph, of course...)
What's everyone else's favorite thing that you've written?: I suppose Boffo is all they've ever really seen.
Do you even show people your work?: Define "people" and define "show." I don't count people on ff.net as "people", and I don't count leaving things in the blog for anyone to read as "showing," so the answer would probably be nurr.
Who's your favorite constructive critic?: Dun have very many of those, so anyone who manages constructive criticism becomes a favorite by default.
Do you have a website for your writings?: Yarr.
Did you ever write a novel?: Yarr.
Was is for NaNoWriMo?: Yarr and nurr. Boffo is technically finished and technically novel length, but not for the Nano; DDD is not finished but technically novel length and was done for the Nano.
Have you ever written fantasy, sci-fi, or horror?: Yarr.
Ever written romance or teen angsty drama?: Yarr, sorta.
What's your favorite setting for your characters?: White Hawk, my happy fictional city that sort of resembles Boston, in that it's cleaner than Philly and not New York but on a body of water. There are lots of theme bars with silly names and sillier themes (the Hampsterdance one is the worst, though) and the place is just crawling with zombies.
What's one genre you have never written, and probably never will?: Um...probably straight out romance, and I've little patience for mystery.
How many writing projects are you working on right now?: Working? Hah.
Do you want to write for a living?: Maybe. I used to, now I'm not so sure.
Have you ever written something for a magazine or newspaper?: Highschool litmag and newspaper.
Have you ever won an award for your writing?: Can't remember. Probably nurr.
Ever written something in script or play format?: Yarr.
What are your five favorite words?: Also, fuck, quite, however, goad.
Do you ever parody?: Merr.
What's your favorite thing to parody?: Harry Potter. Myself.
Do you actually like that thing, or are you spitefully making fun of it?: Yarr.
Do you ever write based on yourself?: Yarr.
What character that you've written most resembles yourself?: Opal started out as a self insert. *wallows in shame* But all of them are reflections on myself.
Where do you get ideas for your other characters?: Other people, other people's characters.
Do you ever write based on your dreams?: Yarr.
Do you favor happy endings, sad endings, or cliffhangers?: Happy (sucker for sap), but not so happy that I can't write angsty snippets about the characters afterwards. *coughcoughBoffocough*
Have you ever written based on an artwork you've seen?: Yarr.
Write me a really classy simile: This simile is like Nicole Kidman.
Now write me a really dumb simile: This simile is like a rock. A really dumb one.
Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?: Yarr.
Ever write something entirely in chatspeak? (How r u?): Nurr.
Entirely in L337?: Nurr.
Was that question completely appalling and un-writerlike?: Merr.
Does music help you write?: Yarr.
Do you have a weblog or livejournal?: Yarr. Several.
Do you write your life as if it were one of those journal books?: Merr? Yarr? ...oh. Yeah, the livejournal does read like a stupid diary. Oh well.
Are people surprised and confused when they find out you write well?: Generally they don't. Or I don't. Or something like that.
Quote something you've written. The first thing to pop into your mind!: "It's the fear of the fall that brings you closer to god." Gawd, I'm a pretentious waste of space. Kind of fond of the quote, though.
I dare you to take a personality survey as one of your characters: Yarr.
Such, and other stuff nonsense- Vagrant Story.
The problem with replaying Vagrant Story is that it tends to make me obsess, and consider various aspects of certain characters that I hadn't before. And I really must get over my fear of fanfic, because there's just so much that you can do with the story and characters; I'm sad that this game received so little acclaim, because it really is amazing. (Amazing enough to have me rereading my favorite fics for it over again for the fourth time...)
It's difficult to come up with original ideas, though; it's amazing how influenced you are by other, better fic writers. It's a little discouraging, too. I shall have to get over this, I suppose.
But I do wonder how Callo would react if she met up with Ashley after the end of everything; keeping these people in character is annoying because they're all such stoic, selfish bastards, or they're all headcases- and they all speak with that pseudo-formal-medieval diction that's a pain to replicate, because the game sort of created its own mode of speaking. Well, that, or the localizers just weren't paying attention all the time- but it's not like it actually takes place in fourteenth century France. So they're forgiven, mostly, just because the Crimson Blades in the wine cellars get into an argument and finally one shouts at the other, "Buggered if I know!" And then Ashley kills them. Oops.
I've decided to obsess over Callo, the only female character with lines who survives. Neesa doesn't count, since I like to think that she dies. Now, let me repeat this- Callo, the only female character with lines who survives. My general dislike of all female characters ever is practically legendary. (That is to say, not at all, but I like to think it is.) The only other female character with lines who survives that Square has done that I actually don't despise or otherwise feel apathetic towards is...Selphie. And that's only because of my idiotic replaying of VIII and subsequent minor fixation on characters I didn't really notice in ninth grade. (And because, dude, Selphie is crazy. She's also a sorceress, but I'm not writing that when I've got Callo on the brain.)
I realized the other day that I wanted to be fourteen again. There are so many things I could refrain from screwing up, if I got to do it over again. But then I wouldn't only be six years too late, I'd be eleven years too late, and that's just a bit much. Nevermind. I've just found myself missing freshman year a bit. Or rather, missing 1999 a bit. That's all it really is- I want to be who I am now, and I want it to be 1999.
Life's a bitch, and I'm supposed to be talking about Vagrant Story. Only I could do that for...oh, maybe a few years, and still not cover everything. They're not plot holes, not really, they're just things they left out. Bastards. But I like Callo, and I like Hardin, and I think I'm going to do unforgiveable things to Joshua.
The game already did unforgiveable things to Sydney and Ashley, so I'm just going to have them snark at each other. They're like Setzer and Shadow, only with more angst and less chemistry...or something. (What was that? Was that the sound of V not inflicting her perverted yaoi notions on two male characters? Or was it the sound of the world ending? I'm pretty sure they'd sound kind of similar...) Sure, the game gives all sorts of material to work with, between Ashley's asspants and Sydney's crotchpants and lack of shirt, and the way Sydney flirts with Ashley all the time- that whole hart/hunter thing? Yeah. Okay. He's as fruity as Kuja, only a little less psycho. (Just a smidge.) But Ashley, even with those pants and that hair, still comes off as mostly sexless- to me, at least.
Haven't decided whether or not to turn the Callo thing into a multi chapter fic or if I should just keep it short and simple; probably the former, and I'll save any Callo/Ashely/Joshua shennanigans for a potential sequel.
And maybe I'll play with reincarnation a bit, do a little research, and make Ashley a fighter pilot in WWII. He'd enjoy that, I think.
*wanders off to make notes* I am so doomed.
The problem with replaying Vagrant Story is that it tends to make me obsess, and consider various aspects of certain characters that I hadn't before. And I really must get over my fear of fanfic, because there's just so much that you can do with the story and characters; I'm sad that this game received so little acclaim, because it really is amazing. (Amazing enough to have me rereading my favorite fics for it over again for the fourth time...)
It's difficult to come up with original ideas, though; it's amazing how influenced you are by other, better fic writers. It's a little discouraging, too. I shall have to get over this, I suppose.
But I do wonder how Callo would react if she met up with Ashley after the end of everything; keeping these people in character is annoying because they're all such stoic, selfish bastards, or they're all headcases- and they all speak with that pseudo-formal-medieval diction that's a pain to replicate, because the game sort of created its own mode of speaking. Well, that, or the localizers just weren't paying attention all the time- but it's not like it actually takes place in fourteenth century France. So they're forgiven, mostly, just because the Crimson Blades in the wine cellars get into an argument and finally one shouts at the other, "Buggered if I know!" And then Ashley kills them. Oops.
I've decided to obsess over Callo, the only female character with lines who survives. Neesa doesn't count, since I like to think that she dies. Now, let me repeat this- Callo, the only female character with lines who survives. My general dislike of all female characters ever is practically legendary. (That is to say, not at all, but I like to think it is.) The only other female character with lines who survives that Square has done that I actually don't despise or otherwise feel apathetic towards is...Selphie. And that's only because of my idiotic replaying of VIII and subsequent minor fixation on characters I didn't really notice in ninth grade. (And because, dude, Selphie is crazy. She's also a sorceress, but I'm not writing that when I've got Callo on the brain.)
I realized the other day that I wanted to be fourteen again. There are so many things I could refrain from screwing up, if I got to do it over again. But then I wouldn't only be six years too late, I'd be eleven years too late, and that's just a bit much. Nevermind. I've just found myself missing freshman year a bit. Or rather, missing 1999 a bit. That's all it really is- I want to be who I am now, and I want it to be 1999.
Life's a bitch, and I'm supposed to be talking about Vagrant Story. Only I could do that for...oh, maybe a few years, and still not cover everything. They're not plot holes, not really, they're just things they left out. Bastards. But I like Callo, and I like Hardin, and I think I'm going to do unforgiveable things to Joshua.
The game already did unforgiveable things to Sydney and Ashley, so I'm just going to have them snark at each other. They're like Setzer and Shadow, only with more angst and less chemistry...or something. (What was that? Was that the sound of V not inflicting her perverted yaoi notions on two male characters? Or was it the sound of the world ending? I'm pretty sure they'd sound kind of similar...) Sure, the game gives all sorts of material to work with, between Ashley's asspants and Sydney's crotchpants and lack of shirt, and the way Sydney flirts with Ashley all the time- that whole hart/hunter thing? Yeah. Okay. He's as fruity as Kuja, only a little less psycho. (Just a smidge.) But Ashley, even with those pants and that hair, still comes off as mostly sexless- to me, at least.
Haven't decided whether or not to turn the Callo thing into a multi chapter fic or if I should just keep it short and simple; probably the former, and I'll save any Callo/Ashely/Joshua shennanigans for a potential sequel.
And maybe I'll play with reincarnation a bit, do a little research, and make Ashley a fighter pilot in WWII. He'd enjoy that, I think.
*wanders off to make notes* I am so doomed.
Sunday, May 16, 2004
I have decided that if I ever want my past (such as it is) to stop haunting me, I'd better get off my ass and write something. Preferably fanfic, but anything will do, really.
I'm thinking I ought to write Sephiroth fic, if only for my computer's sake. Seph/Zack shennanigans would be good, I think...we shall see. Because if it isn't that, it'll probably be Vagrant Story angst, written to OLP on repeat.
Something new, something bright, something honeysuckle-scented for summer- something to keep me from eating lightbulbs and gnawing off my own hands.
Something to- just maybe- put me where I've always wanted to be.
I'm thinking I ought to write Sephiroth fic, if only for my computer's sake. Seph/Zack shennanigans would be good, I think...we shall see. Because if it isn't that, it'll probably be Vagrant Story angst, written to OLP on repeat.
Something new, something bright, something honeysuckle-scented for summer- something to keep me from eating lightbulbs and gnawing off my own hands.
Something to- just maybe- put me where I've always wanted to be.
OMGWTFSTFUBBQ!!! Blogger, why must you do this every year? Wasn't the old way good enough for you? Couldn't we go back to that so that I don't claw my eyes out in blind fury?
It's pink. I liked the tacky blue and orange, damnit! Why is it pink? And those new templates? And the profiles with pictures? What are we, Xanga?
*cries* I know, I know, I'm being elitist an annoying, change is good, blahblahblah...this is what I get for not updating for weeks on end, I suppose.
There are some interesting new features, but dude. The pink, with the light blue and the orange? Not cool, not cool at all. They revamped things around this time last year, and I actually kind of liked things then, but this? Meh. I liked having the double window view for posting. It was convenient and fun. This is just sort of sparse and bare.
I suppose it's time for a layout change. *shakes head* Man, the world's gone crazy, I swear...
It's pink. I liked the tacky blue and orange, damnit! Why is it pink? And those new templates? And the profiles with pictures? What are we, Xanga?
*cries* I know, I know, I'm being elitist an annoying, change is good, blahblahblah...this is what I get for not updating for weeks on end, I suppose.
There are some interesting new features, but dude. The pink, with the light blue and the orange? Not cool, not cool at all. They revamped things around this time last year, and I actually kind of liked things then, but this? Meh. I liked having the double window view for posting. It was convenient and fun. This is just sort of sparse and bare.
I suppose it's time for a layout change. *shakes head* Man, the world's gone crazy, I swear...