"Burlap, the fabric of tomorrow! It's not a skin rash, it's trendy!"

"You know, a bloodbath is usually really good at getting rid of unnecessary tension. So long as you don't get caught, of course."
"But I'd have to find someone to blame it on, and I'm not good at that."
"Ask ****. He'd have a list of people for you, I'm sure."
"I guess...but it's still so messy. I'm a little bit neurotic about cleaning things, you know. I see a dirty dish, I clean it."
"When are you visiting next? But seriously, if the mess bothers you, just use a blunt object."
"What if I crush their skulls? Then you get splattered brains, and that's even worse than blood."
"In that case, I'd suggest you use poison."
"Ehhh."
"Or napalm. There wouldn't be anything left to clean. It even gets rid of dust bunnies."
"But the dust bunnies would retaliate with tactical nukes!"
"Generally things that are napalmed don't retaliate with much. They might run around in circles a bit, and fall over, and maybe even twitch, but there's not much retaliation."
"The survivors would come after me."
"Widen your target range."
"And take out the house? There's stuff here that I like! I've got books here!"
"If you don't get them, the dust bunnies will."
"Silly, everyone knows dust bunnies don't read."
"Yeah, but the squirrels do."
"Well we got rid of them a while ago."
"Really..."

Yesss, we are deranged. Yes, that did put me in a much better mood. Woo. Happiness. Or some reasonable facsimile of it.