"Of course I can kick you for being annoying. It's in my job description."
"No it isn't. Your job description is "squeak". Loudly, often, and with the highest possible level of annoyance- ow! Stop kicking me!"

"I got drunk with your brother the other night. He's a pretty cool guy."
"Yeah, and he's twice as much fun when he's drunk. The only problem is, all conversations eventually degrade into discussions about nipples..."
"Whoa."