And when will you be going to sleep
she asks, her voice not unkind but not as forgiving as it once was

when i can close my eyes and see only my eyelids
i reply
when i can hear only quiet in the silence and when i do not taste blood in the back of my throat

when the wind does not mourn her lost lover and the stars do not grumble to themselves and when the voices in my head do not demand a place to sit around the table of my soul

they say to one another, eat and be merry
but i think they will find little sustenance there

and if i sing
she asks, kindly and sadly and full of pity that i can not swallow lest i choke
the lullabye you once loved and if i hold you in my arms and if you can call me mother or lover or friend for the night, what then? will you sleep?

your lullabye brings only ashen memories
and your arms nothing but the claustrophobic terror of iron bars. i would call you nothing at all and still i would not sleep
not until i can dance and not stumble upon the rocky foothills of my past
i say softly slowly sincerely
i will sleep when lies no longer seep from underneath my tongue, bitter and poisonous to others but sweet honey to myself
would you like a kiss?

you mock me
she cries, affronted and astounded that i should have words of my own
you mock my heart and my caring soul

but
i scoff
your caring soul and lovely heart are not my concern when children tear their eyes out at my feet
i will sleep when i am at peace

she is hard now and so cold with winter light flashing black in her eyes
then you will never sleep and peace will forever be a stranger in this place

so be it
i shall wait for the mountains to wear down their molars into dust and sand and when there is nothing left but stones i may try once again
to close my eyes.