Twenty Five- Death Note

NOTES:
Merry Christmas Sonya! A combination of your love of crossovers and my love of ridiculous cheesiness and implausible yaoi.

It's silly, but Death Note just sort of cries out for this kind of crossover. And, hey, Christmas spirit!
--

Light yawned and rubbed at his eyes; hours of staring at a computer screen were taking their toll. Detective work was so boring when one knew who the killer was- that is, it was so boring when you yourself were the killer in question.

L was still typing industriously away at his computer terminal, occasionally crunching on sugar cubes. The hypnotic noise of the clicking and crunching eventually lulled Light to sleep in his chair.

"Yagami. Hey. Yagami! Wake up." Something clanked near his ear. Damn L and his stupid handcuffs...Light tried to block out the noise with his arms. "Damnit, wake up!"

"What?" He opened his eyes to see...Matsuda? What was Matsuda doing here? And why was he wrapped up in chains? "Matsuda? What's going on?" L appeared to be asleep, as well.

"Er, well...actually, I'm here to warn you." The young policeman looked as confused as Light felt. "Something about changing your ways...Yagami-kun, I didn't mean to disturb your nap, and I'm not really sure why I'm wearing all these chains, but in honor of the season, you should really consider being a better person."

Light's brow furrowed. "Okay. I'll think about it." He put his head down again, and Matsuda disappeared. Weird. Eventually, he fell asleep.

"Yagami Light! Awaken, Yagami Light!" Light jerked awake. L was still asleep in the other chair. There was a man standing over him, a very ghost-like man...

"Who are you?"

"I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past, Light-kun. I'm here to show you visions of years past." The ghostly figure looked a lot like that FBI agent he'd killed.

"Christmas? But I'm Japanese. I don't celebrate Christmas."

The ghost sighed, exhasperated. "Well, think of me as the Ghost of Winter Festivals Past, or whatever you people celebrate. Don't ask questions, we're on a schedule here." He pointed at the television screen. "Watch!"

Light watched as a few scenes from his childhood played out on screen- he'd been such a dorky kid, always wrapped up in his studies. And his sister had been so annoying- always following him around. He was glad he'd outgrown his childhood awkwardness. It wouldn't do for a bringer of justice to be lacking in social graces, after all.

The video ended, and the ghost of Raye Penber looked at him sternly. "Keep these things in mind, Light-kun. They're very important."

"If you say so. Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Yeah, whatever. This isn't the last you've heard from my kind..."

Light sighed. He really was tired; he fell asleep again quickly.

"Heehee...wakey-wakey, Light!"

Only one person had that horrible, cackling voice, other than Misa. "Ryuuku? What do you want? It's three in the morning."

The grinning God of Death shook his head and pointed to the screens. "I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present!"

"But I don't celebrate- and you're not-"

"Details, details. I'm going to show you what's happening at this very moment. These things are all your fault, you know. If you hadn't become the person you are, none of this would've happened..."

The tv screens flickered to life, focusing on what looked like it had once been a body, but was now just a decomposing pile of organic matter. Light recoiled from the sight, feeling sick. "What is that?"

"That's the body of that FBI agent's fiance. Right now, it's entering the later stages of decay. You did have her kill herself so her body wouldn't be found, after all."

"That's disgusting!"

"It's your fault! Oh, look, here's Matsuda and your father."

The image switched to a video of a karaoke bar. Light flinched at the sight. Neither his father nor Matsuda could sing very well. "Why are you showing me this? Ryuuku?"

"I told you, I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present. All these things are happening right now, because of things you've done. Keep that in mind, Light-kun...this is a very important lesson that you need to learn." Ryuuku faded away.

Light rubbed at his eyes. This was getting ridiculous. He didn't even celebrate Christmas! He curled up in his chair and fell asleep again.

"Er, excuse me, Yagami-kun."

He woke up yet again. "Rem? What are you doing here?"

"Ghost of Christmas future."

"But-"

She cut him off with a quick motion of her hand, and pointed to the screens. Light's brain fizzled out. The screens showed him...and L.

"This is what will happen if you do not mend your ways." She looked sad. "Misa-san would be terribly disappointed. She isn't at all a fan of yaoi."

Light stared at the screen in mingled horror and fascination. "Rem...can he really do that? With his toes?"

"...This is your last warning." The God of Death faded from view, and the video on screen faded with her.

Light looked over at L thoughtfully. The other boy was curled into his usual monkey like position, clutching a box of sugar cubes. Light tugged on the chain that connected their wrists insistently.

"Hn? Light-kun?"

"L, do you celebrate Christmas?"

L blinked slowly and nibbled on his thumb. "No, not usually. Why do you ask, Light-kun?"

Light grabbed the other boy and frog marched him towards the bedroom. Halfway there, he turned around, grabbed the box of sugar cubes, and marched back.

"Light-kun? What-oh!"

"Merry Christmas, L."