blah blah blah

Hm. New outliney things for the stupid fic.

VII
More or less the same, just minus Sasuke's eyes. And Kabuto survives; Orochimaru gets pwned by the kyuubi, but Kabuto, being the creepy child molester that he is, manages to escape. He goes off to chill with Akatsuki, and spends far too much time poking fun at Itachi, who glares a lot and then sulks because someone finally fucked Sasuke over worse than he did. ("I never could figure out why you left him alive." "He wasn't worth the effort." "You made him cry, though. Was that your goal?" "Your impertinence will only get you killed." "You won't kill me. I made him cry, too. On his knees, sobbing like a child...slaughtering your entire clan was a bit extreme for a few tears, wasn't it?") Tsunade grumbles about a lot of things, but mostly the fact that Naruto had to drag the bloody Sand Three with him, and now she'll never get her office clean again. Then she grumbles about them not killing Sasuke when they had the chance, and Naruto gets kind of pissy. ("Seal his fucking jutsu, then!" "Don't you think he'd rather be dead? What Kabuto did to him was punishment enough, perhaps even too much.") Sasuke goes batshit crazy.
VIII
Angst. Gaara and Naruto get into small arguments that always end in Naruto being sappy. Tsunade replaces Sasuke's eyes, Sasuke goes batshit crazy and tries to rip them out. ("Get it out, get it out, get it out! I can't see, get it out!" "Bastard! Stop it. Stop it! What the fuck are you doing, Sasuke? Eyeballs don't grow on trees, now stop that!" "I CAN'T SEE!" "Maybe if you got your fucking fingers out of your eye, huh?") Gaara walks in on Naruto trying to stop Sasuke from killing himself, and says nothing. The next day, the Sand nins leave. Naruto flips out at Sasuke, and there is much angst. In fact, everyone gets a piece of that angst, and Kakashi gets an excessive internal monologue. Tsunade and Jiraiya take the time to mourn Orochimaru, and to plan to take down Kabuto and Itachi.
IX
Naruto stays in Konoha with Sasuke, who is horribly, horribly confused. ("Why are you still here?" "Don't have anywhere else to be." "Don't you?" "No. I don't.") At some point, Sasuke tackles Naruto and kisses him, and Naruto has to explain carefully, in small sentences, that doing that to someone else's boyfriend totally goes under the heading of Not Cool. Sasuke contemplates this, and succeeds in yanking out one of his eyes. (It was better this way- if your eye offends you, you should tear it out, right? If he couldn't look at Naruto without- without- whatever, then he just wouldn't look at Naruto.) Naruto gets fed up, Tsunade gives him back his hitai-ate, Naruto goes Whee!Ninja. A couple months pass, life as usual aside from the fact that Sasuke? Still not allowed out of the hospital and still not allowed unrestrained unless he's around Naruto, Kakashi, or Tsunade. Jiraiya does some crazy seal stuff on Sasuke to keep his eyes in his head, goddamnit, and to keep his chakra levels steady- and low. Kabuto continues to antagonize Itachi who threatens to feed him to Kisame, who gets offended, as he's actually quite a gentleman- and a vegetarian. Kabuto proves that he can molest people who aren't technically children anymore, too, and Itachi gets the sinking feeling that he probably should have just killed Sasuke when he had the chance. ("You want to put me through three days of pain? Itachi-sama, I am honored. Truly, you are gracious, to help me with my studies. I admit I haven't yet mastered the art of controlling these eyes of mine...and I find them so very fascinating, in theory and in...practice.") (

On a side note, I know I'm not always a big fan of the height rule, but Kabuto/Itachi? (Quick dissertation on character sexuality in Naruto! Orochimaru is a very sexualized villain- he's not as pretty as Itachi, but between the tongue and the way he lusts after the bodies of young men, it's hard to pretend there isn't a sexual overtone to the things he does. The way he dominates Kabuto (or the way Kabuto lets himself be dominated) is another example of this. "I don't trust you with my life, but I trust you enough to use you." Itachi, on the other hand- he's either asexual or very repressed. I don't think there's anything sexual in the way he antagonizes Sasuke; I honestly think he doesn't really give a damn about his little brother. Sasuke was lucky to not be home when Itachi went on a rampage, and by the time he got back, Itachi had killed everyone else and more or less discerned that he was stronger than everyone. He'd already asserted is dominance and superiority over Sasuke just by being his older brother, and killing him would have been unnecessary. I think the vague kinkiness in the scene where he breaks Sasuke's arm is more Sasuke's fault than Itachi's; Sasuke is, from all the other characters' perspectives, a sex-god. Itachi didn't sexualize that encounter, but Sasuke unintentionally did.) Anyway, I think I have a new OTP, and Kabuto totally tops.)

X
Naruto gets nabbed by Itachi during the chuunin exams, Gaara goes and smacks Sasuke upside the head, and both of them go off to "rescue" Naruto, with the help of a few other people. Naruto doesn't really need rescuing, he totally had the situation under control. ("Why the hell are you here!" "You're...not happy to see me?" "Aw, shit, don't give me that look, that's not what I meant! I'm always happy to see you. But why are you here?" "You got kidnapped, remember, moron?" "Shut up, Sasuke-bastard! I'm having a moment with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in months, thanks to you!" "I didn't ask you to stay! You're the one who didn't have anywhere better to be!" "Who else was supposed to keep you from killing yourself?" "Like you did anything, anyway!" "The fuck? Breaking your arms was something, wasn't it?" "You absolute, complete, utter-" "That's enough, both of you. If you're very quiet and ask very nicely, I might take the sand out of your pants without taking anything else along with it." "Meep." "Urk." "Good boys.") Gaara is surprisingly perceptive, (actually, Kankurou and Temari just prepped him with what to say) Naruto is apologetic, and Sasuke is in denial. A couple of crazed, horny demons manage to sort things out as best they can, and everyone ends up, if not happy, at least mostly...relieved.

XI Gaara and Sasuke snipe at each other, or rather Sasuke snipes and Gaara remains aloof until Sasuke explodes, at which point Naruto lays the smack down, angry kyuubi style, on both of them. At some point, Kabuto gets his head ripped off, and Sasuke may or may not get his eyes back. ("But...they're filthy. They've been in that asshole's eye sockets for months." "Do you want them or not?" "...yeah, sure, I guess.")