Eleven- Naruto

NOTES:
First, warnings- lots of the gay, and some citrusy bits, including a few unfinished fragments that really want to grow up to be smut but haven't quite made it yet. Also, Iruka has a potty mind. Mouth too, actually...

This is incomplete- this is pre-beta reader stage, even. It's probably half finished, but when I write something like this, I don't write it in order. The scenes jump without completing and there is very little continuity. So it's a series of fragments that may, someday, become a completed fic. (Probably not; the parts that aren't written aren't written for a reason.)

I've arranged them chronologically, even though I didn't write them that way. The longer the line of dashes, the more story is missing.

Iruka is more than a little insane here, and by insane, I actually mean horribly out of character, violent, and mean. Also, I have no idea where some of the things thinks came from- like I said, this is in the severely unedited stage. I blame this on Kakashi, who is also out of character, because I still can't get a grip on his character unless he's talking to himself.

I'm also taking advantage of kakairu cliche's #231 and #72; Iruka gets pissed off at Kakashi because their personality types are completely opposite, and Iruka meets Kakashi at the grave marker, which eventually leads to sex.

Starts off immediately after Kakashi recovers from his run-in with Itachi, and continues on past Sasuke's stupidity.

-
Iruka hadn't been sure what to expect when Kakashi asked him out for a drink; he hadn't expected the jounin to ply him with sake until he was laughing a little louder than normal and the other man's perverted jokes. He hadn't really expected to be laughing at all, after the recent events in Konoha.

------

He had Iruka pressed against the wall, his one uncovered eye not looking at anything in particular, though his hands seemed to know exactly where to go. Iruka gasped through the muddled haze of sake and sorrow and threaded his fingers through the stiff silver of Kakashi's hair. "Let me kiss you," he whispered, nuzzling the edge of the mask.

Kakashi pulled away suddenly, as though Iruka's voice had burned him. His eye was still unfocused. "No."

Iruka frowned when Kakashi reached for him again. What is this? "Sorry, I don't kiss on the first date, but d'you wanna fuck instead?"

Kakashi's arms still boxed him against the wall, but Iruka had enough control over himself to be furious when one of those arms lowered to rest a hand on his belt. Kakashi took a step closer again, the heat from his body radiating like a furnace. It distracted him for half a moment, but not long enough to keep him from slipping out of Kakashi's grasp with a simple jutsu. Kakashi stared at the pillow in his arms and Iruka slid off the bed. At least some good came of practicing basic jutsu with the children every day.

It irked him a little that the "good" in this situation was avoiding what would have surely been a highly enjoyable grope from another teacher. Still. As unexciting as his sex life had been lately, he wasn't desperate enough to let himself be degraded and used. And it wasn't like he was asking for more than casual sex with a friend, but he was serious about the "friend" part.

"Thank you for the drinks, Hatake-san." He watched Kakashi's shoulders stiffen as the temperature in the room seemed to drop ten degrees. "I can see myself out."

Kakashi caught up with him at the door, as he'd expected him to. "Why?" Kakashi sounded as frustrated as Iruka felt; imagined that the face under the mask was flushed, lips parted...he stopped imagining. What was the point, if imagining was the only thing he'd be allowed to do? Iruka didn't fool himself into thinking he could force the other ninja to reveal his face.

"I'm sorry, Hatake-san." Even when they'd only spoken to each other three times before, they'd still used one another's first names. He was being petty, but he didn't really care- revenge for the little insults and endless strings of monosyllabic answers was sweet, indeed. "I've never seen the purpose in having sex with faceless strangers."

Iruka's internal scoreboard clicked a little closer to being even; he suddenly had some insight into how Gai must feel. The horror of that notion didn't stop him from taking sadistic pleasure in the fact that he'd left the jounin with nothing but his stupid books and his left hand to keep him company for the night.

The feeling of triumph diminished slightly when Iruka remembered that he didn't even have the dirty books waiting for him in his own apartment. Damn.
------------

They tried again.

In retrospect, it was a little like watching a train wreck: a long, slow descent into an inevitable, explosive, *final* conclusion.

---
Being courted was ...odd. Iruka wasn't used to having anyone other than Naruto waiting for him at the end of the day, and lately he'd seen far too little of his not-quite-adopted son.

------------

They were in Kakashi's apartment again, up against a wall, again, and it still irritated Iruka that Kakashi left so little skin uncovered. So maybe he had a slight oral fixation. There was nothing *wrong* with wanting to chew on someone, not when they made such delicious little noises in the back of their throat, those little hitching gasps- his teeth latched onto an earlobe, just about the only thing Kakashi left uncovered, and he was rewarded with more of those noises. His tongue trailed along the curve of the ear and Kakashi actually *whimpered*.

He left the mask alone; he wasn't going to give himself an excuse to stop.

Kakashi was rock hard against his thigh and his hands were wandering in aimless, shivery patterns beneath Iruka's shirt. Long, clever fingers teased at Iruka's nipples, tickled at his navel, brushed the waistband of his pants.

-*Tease.*- Kakashi's ear was nice, but he wanted more *skin*, and he wasn't going to get it like this. He trailed little biting kisses across Kakashi's cheekbone, feeling long eyelashes flutter against his lips; the jounin was sufficiently distracted to let Iruka get away with undoing his pants.

---------------------------------------

"It's a matter of trust. I trusted you to bring back my family. You didn't. So now you owe me. You also owe me for the sake, the blow job, the underhanded insults, and the presumption that just because you outrank me, I'm going to bend over to do your bidding without wanting a little something for myself." Iruka was amused to see Kakashi looking more than a little taken aback at his matter of fact tone. The jounin was carefully looking at everything but Iruka, the beginning of a blush creeping out from under his mask. "I valued you as a friend, Kakashi. I trusted you, because that's what friendship means.

"You broke that trust, and now you *owe me*."

Kakashi didn't resist the attack; perhaps he wasn't expecting it, perhaps he felt he deserved it, Iruka was tired of trying to figure out how the other man thought- but he didn't fight back when Iruka caught him in an arm lock and bent him over the desk with a kunai at his throat.

"Here's a question, Sharingan Kakashi. Do you trust me not to slit your throat after you've pissed me off this much?" This wasn't a question of whether or not he'd be able to; he knew that if push came to shove, even in their current position, Kakashi could defend himself.

Kakashi's breathing was a little unsteady, stuttered a little with every in drawn breath. Iruka pressed the edge of the knife against his throat a little harder, waiting for an answer. "Well?"

He wasn't sure if he was pleased or annoyed when Kakashi nodded once- just a slight bob of his head so as not to jostle the knife. Iruka sighed and released the other man. The bastard was right, of course. His anger was already gone, replaced by a faint ache between his eyes and in his chest.

Kakashi unkinked his arm but remained bent over. "Iruka-sensei...do you think you could close your eyes for a minute?" His voice was soft.

"Why?"

"Trust me?"

Iruka wanted to hit him again, but he felt that way about Naruto sometimes when the boy had done something particularly stupid and was looking up at him with the expression of a beaten puppy. -Impulse control. Shout and scream as much as you like but *never* raise a hand in anger.- He'd learned that lesson well enough. It disturbed him, however, that Kakashi was reminding him of Naruto while he was bent over a desk with his ass in the air. His mind supplied him with an image of Naruto in Kakashi's place, and Iruka had to stop the sudden impulse to stab himself in the eye.

"Fine." He closed his eyes and heard Kakashi moving, standing in front of him. This would be the part where he kills you, dumbass. Well, he'd made his peace with the world before, and it would've been nice to die doing something important- like protecting Naruto or any of the kids, and it would've been even nicer to die in bed at the age of ninety surrounded by kids and grandkids and greatgrandkids and cousins and family- but, well, at least he'd be able to die saying that he'd gotten to cop a feel off Sharingan Kakashi and-

His train of thought derailed and exploded when Kakashi kissed him. Part of his mind started toasting marshmellows on the wreckage, cheerfully whistling the theme from "The Love Boat." Sometimes he just didn't get his subconscious.

It wasn't the greatest kiss in the history of mankind, and it wasn't a particularly special or intense kiss; it was a little sad, but Iruka hadn't had many sad kisses in his life, so he didn't really notice. However, when Kakashi tried to pull away, Iruka grabbed him and set out to make it the greatest kiss in the history of mankind.

The end result wasn't even in the top ten, but neither of the participants cared.

The part of his mind not involved in the kiss was eating marshmallows and making note of the fact that Kakashi hadn't minded being bent over a desk at knife point. In fact, it seemed like he kind of liked it.

Kind of liked it a lot, actually, unless that was a kunai in the other man's pocket. Iruka checked.

It wasn't.

And afterwards (during which he made Kakashi tell him, in detail, exactly how much he'd enjoyed being bent over that desk, and Iruka came to the conclusion that Kakashi wasn't actually kinky, perverted books aside, he was just lazy, and Kakashi came to the conclusion that Iruka was actually a sadist disguised as a schoolteacher- weren't teachers supposed to be masochists?), it wasn't perfect- the mask was back on when he opened his eyes, and Kakashi was speaking in monosyllables again. But it was a start, sort of.

"You surprise me," Kakashi said unexpectedly while searching for his right sandal under the desk. "Every day, you surprise me, and I'm not really used to that."

"I surprise you?" Kakashi had stolen his hair tie again. Iruka sighed and waited for the jounin to stand up with his footwear before wrestling it off his wrist. "You're the crazy one."

"But everyone knows I'm crazy. They expect it of me. All anyone expects of you is kindness."

All anyone- Years of knowing he'd never be a top-rank ninja and being comfortable with it, damnit, began to crumble at the foundation. Iruka glared. "Saying things that annoy and demean me is pathological for you, isn't it?"

Kakashi's visible eye curved upwards as he shrugged. "Maybe a little. You know I didn't mean it like that, anyway."

"So I surprise you because you expect me to be nice and then I get mad when you try to use me, or insult me?" Iruka crossed his arms over his chest, still glaring.

Kakashi slid his vest on and checked the pockets for his weapons. "You're complicated," he said mildly, with another shrug.

Iruka had been feeling really, really good after the sex. Better than he had in years, if he felt like being honest. Now he was wondering why he hadn't slit the other man's throat when he had the chance. "Yes, Kakashi-san. People are complicated." He spoke very slowly, as though he were trying to explain to a very small child that no, you really were supposed to hold the kunai by the *dull* end. "I am more than my tendency to worry about my students. You, supposedly, are more than your ability to insult, bait, and otherwise piss off the entirety of the world around you. For instance, you're really good at killing things. Like the mood." His glare had turned icy.

The jounin held up his palms in a placating gesture. "Aa. I'll have to work on that. I like you better when you're in the mood." He was still grinning his stupid, mouthless grin.

Iruka bristled and retied his hair with short, jerky motions. "I'm not just some sort of toy you can keep on hand for sex, damnit!"

"Hn." Kakashi was apparently ignoring him, completely engrossed in the pages of a lurid looking Icha-Icha Paradise.

"I take it back," he spat, disgusted. "You really are nothing more than your ability to annoy people." Kakashi looked up sharply, single eye open wide, but Iruka was already on his way out. The chalkboard rattled with the force he used to slam the door.

Bastard. Fucking bastard. I will not be taken for granted. Kakashi could find someone else to help him act out his perverted fantasies with.

It didn't occur to him that the jounin had been trying to apologize in his awkward, bumbling (irritating) manner until he was home and nearly asleep. Iruka buried his head under a pillow and decided not to think about it too much.
-----------------------
*insert a bunch of scenes here*
-----------------------

Kakashi was actually waiting for him when he got to work. Bastard can't be on time unless it's to annoy somebody. His coffee maker had imploded that morning; not only had he burned himself, but he still hadn't had a decent cup of coffee. On any other morning, he might have been feeling more charitable, but not this one. "Can I help you, Kakashi-sensei? You're three weeks behind on your mission reports; you've got a week to catch up before the Hokage starts docking your pay."

The older ninja actually took a step backwards at the venom in Iruka's voice. "We need to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about." Iruka stamped a couple of pay stubs violently. The fact that he was being the immature one didn't help his mood. "I'm busy. Go away."

The stamp and the papers he was stamping were snatched off the desk faster than he could follow. Iruka's eye twitched slightly. "Kakashi-sensei, give me back my paper work. Otherwise I'll be forced to act like a five year old as well, and tell the Hokage on you." Kakashi's eye fell, and Iruka's papers were returned.

"Look, I know you're mad at me."

"Such amazing powers of observation. You are truly deserving of your title as a genius." There was a hand in the middle of his paperwork now. Iruka didn't bother to look at the owner of the hand; he had work to do, after all. Stamp. Stamp. Stamp.

"Ow!"

"Oh, quit looking so surprised, it's not like it's the first time I've hit you with something," Iruka snapped. "Just be glad it wasn't a kunai."

"Would've moved my hand if it'd been a kunai," Kakashi muttered. The words 'payment denied' bled through his glove with bright red ink. "Can't you just tell me what's wrong? Why are you so angry?" He leaned over the desk again, careful to keep his hands out of Iruka's line of stamping.

Iruka snarled and brought the stamp down on Kakashi's forehead protector, snapping the jounin's head back. The ink gleamed wetly as he stood, knocking his chair to the ground. "What's wrong? Are you some sort of moron? You irritate me! You walk around with your superior attitude and your porn and everyone talks about how wonderful you are- Sharingan Kakashi, master of a thousand annoying habits!" Iruka wasn't sure when he'd started shouting, but once he got started, he wasn't in the mood to stop. "You're a pervert who refuses to do any work- at least Jiraiya puts some effort into being a deviant, but you just sit there! You act like the whole world owes you a favor- well it doesn't! You still haven't apologized to me for any of the shit you've done, but that's just because you don't even see what you did wrong! You- You're like a fucking puppy, you just keep showing up at my door with sake, smiling that stupid smile that I can't even see, expecting me to molest you at your whim no matter how many times I kick you!"

"Iruka-sensei, please stop shouting. You're making a scene." Kakashi clearly hadn't been expecting an outburst on this scale. His visible eye was threatening to bug out of its socket as he backed away.

Then he'll have to get another one somewhere! Or maybe he has an extra, he got them two-for-one on sale... The inside of Iruka's head was a little hysterical at the moment. His mouth had disconnected from his brain and he couldn't do anything to stop it. They were attracting a crowd, but he was on a roll.

"I don't care! I've had it, I've fucking had it. This isn't happening anymore. Really great sex isn't worth the migraine I wake up with every morning when I wonder what stupid thing you're going to say the next time I see you. I'm sick of you making my life into a joke just by existing!"

"You know I never meant-"

"STOP ACTING LIKE YOU CARE!"

He hadn't meant to say that. The entire room was silent- the entire room, which now consisted of Tsunade, Asuma, Kurenai, three other faculty members that Iruka didn't know by name and- oh, fuck- Naruto. Iruka took a very deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart before he hit something, and turned to his audience. "What the fuck are you looking at?" he snarled in Asuma's general direction.

The jounin startled, dropped his cigarette, and disappeared in a puff of smoke. The room emptied with a speed that only a group of frightened ninja could muster, until Iruka was alone with Kakashi, Tsunade, and Naruto.

Naruto. Fuck.

"Naruto, Iruka. Go home." Tsunade sounded slightly irritated and slightly amused. "Kakashi, meet me in my office." She disappeared as well.

Iruka glared at Kakashi until the jounin shuffled out of the room, leaving him alone with Naruto. Fuck he thought one last time, for good measure, as he slumped onto one of the couches. His head hurt, and he couldn't look the boy in the eye. "Hey, Naruto," he began. "Do...do you want to go out for ramen?" Hopefully he didn't sound as desperate as he thought he did.

"Thanks, Iruka-sensei, but I'm not really hungry."

Iruka's head snapped up. Naruto looked blank. He never looked blank, and he was never not hungry for ramen. "Are you sure?"

The boy managed a sickly sort of smile and a half-shrug. "I haven't been all that hungry lately."

Of course he hadn't, not after Sasuke- Don't think about that. "Well, if you start to feel hungry, you know where to find me, okay?"

Naruto shrugged again. "Maybe later, Iruka-sensei." He turned to go and lifted his hand in farewell. "See you."

"Yeah. Later."

It was ten in the morning. Iruka decided there was no possible better time to get very, very drunk.
------------------

"I kind of thought we'd gotten past the screaming part that didn't involve sex." Iruka had locked his door and his windows, but it would take more than a simple dead bolt to keep Kakashi out.

There was no answer.

"Tsunade said that if I didn't find some way to apologize, she'd kick my ass so hard I'd be walking funny for a month. She's a scary old lady when she wants to be." Iruka seemed to be amazingly drunk. He didn't respond when Kakashi poked him in the forehead. "Are you even awake?"

Iruka didn't answer again, didn't even twitch. "So it's okay if I take off all your clothes and ravish you on the kitchen table with all the windows and doors open so the neighbors can see us?" He stole Iruka's hair tie and began playing with the other man's hair, teasing. Still no response, just the steady breathing of the insensate.

Kakashi sighed and sat down next to Iruka's chair, leaning his head against the other man's thigh. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Too much effort. I'd probably enjoy it, and maybe you would too, but...well, you're right. I don't put much effort into being a pervert. I'm sorry I make you do all the work." No I'm not. He hoped Iruka would forgive a few little lies.

He'd never actually been in Iruka's apartment before; the place was smaller than his own, and more cluttered. The kitchen table was practically in the bedroom; with his legs stretched out in front of him, his toes could nearly reach the bed. Every availible surface was covered in pictures and flimsy little trinkets- gifts from his younger students.

"You're cute when you sleep, you know. You aren't most of the time-" He laughed bitterly. "That was the wrong thing to say, wasn't it? You're too sensitive, you know I never mean those to be insults. But we can keep track, and I'll do something really nice for every five times I'm a jerk. Buy you dinner, do your laundry or something. Maybe every three times? You'd probably try to kill me again by five, and I can never tell when you're being serious..."

"Don't get mad for that one, though- you hate being called cute, and it's not fair to get mad at me for saying you aren't," he continued, conversationally, to Iruka's foot. "I like the way you look. Maybe I should tell you that more often? Is that what you want to hear? I think you're sexy. I think you look good- strong, solid. I like that." Iruka's foot didn't answer. Kakashi sighed again. Why was it so hard to have a conversation with things these days? Possibly he should have spent less time at the bar with Tsunade before coming over.

"Tsunade says were not allowed to act like five year olds with crushes in the mission debriefing room ever again." He looked up; he couldn't see Iruka's face, but he had a pretty good view of his elbow. It's a nice elbow, when it's not hitting me. "I don't know how a five year old with a crush is supposed to act. I think I skipped those years.

"Tsunade also says you're in love with me." His chest tightened around the words. "I know it's not true, but maybe you could let me pretend for a little while? If you still want to see me, of course," he added, knowing that Iruka wasn't going to fall for the kicked puppy thing too often anymore. "I mean, the sex is really great, right? I could just keep my mouth shut and pretend you wanted me, and you'd still be doing all the work but you don't really mind, do you?"

Iruka's foot ignored him pointedly. "I shouldn't have come here," he said somberly to the table leg. "He'll just be pissed that I sat here and talked to his foot while he was passed out over the table."

The table leg commiserated wonderfully. Kakashi patted it affectionately. "I don't think his foot will want to see me again either, but it's a nice thought." He considered moving, but Iruka's leg made a very comfortable pillow, and he didn't want the table leg to think he was snubbing it.

He was tired. It had been a long day- after yelling at him, Tsunade had made him finish his mission reports. All three weeks worth of them. And then she'd dragged him to the bar and now he was here, having a deep and meaningful conversation about his feelings with Iruka's foot. A shame the rest of him is unconscious and not listening. But there's no way this would be happening if he were awake and I were sober.

"I don't want to go home. Even your floor is more comfortable than my bed." When it's empty. He didn't think he really needed to voice the end of that statement; it went without saying, didn't it? Maybe it didn't. Iruka had a hard time deceiphering the things he didn't say. "It's not that my bed is uncomfortable, or that your floor is soft, it's just that it's your floor," he explained to Iruka's foot and the table leg. "And that seriously makes all the difference."

He closed his eyes and leaned back again. "Please don't hate me for wanting to stay," he whispered.

Kakashi woke up in Iruka's bed, without Iruka and with a hangover that could have been much worse, all things considered. He distincly remembered his conversation with the table leg, so by all rights he certainly deserved much worse.

Iruka's bed was comfortable, and it smelled like Iruka. Tsunade wouldn't let him go back to work until he'd fixed things, somehow. Kakashi sighed, turned over, and went back to sleep.
-------------

"I guess I'll just sit out here and eat this ramen all by myself. I ordered too much of it, though- five miso ramens, three pork, one beef...there's no way I'll be able to eat it all before it gets cold, I'll make myself sick." Iruka slumped against the wall beside Naruto's door and dug out a pair of chopsticks. He twiddled with them for a moment, then broke them apart and poked morosely at a container of beef ramen. He'd spent most of his food budget for the week on this; if Naruto didn't come out, he'd be stuck eating noodles for the next five days, and that thought really didn't sit well with his stomach. "Mmm, ramen. Nice, hot ramen, fresh from Ichiraku..."

He wasn't really hungry; he hadn't been for several days, not since the last time he and Kakashi...never mind. He'd have to apologize at some point, for loosing his temper in the meeting room. It wasn't Kakashi's fault he was on edge lately, not really- the jounin couldn't help being himself, just like Iruka couldn't help being more high strung than was healthy.

-He'd probably say that I wasn't getting enough sex, and then he'd offer to help with that problem.- Incorrigible, that was the word. Kakashi was completely incorrigible. -He could do with some corriging.- Iruka blushed, able to imagine in perfect detail what Kakashi would decide that entailed.

"I'm perfectly willing to sit out here all night, you know. The only reason I haven't broken down the door is because neither of us could afford to fix a broken door right now. I'd try for a window, but I'm not a good enough ninja to sneak in with nine cartons of ramen in my arms." He could hear Naruto sitting on the other side of the door, waiting.

"Go away, Iruka-sensei."

Ah. Naruto was crying. Iruka felt something tighten in his chest. "Unlock the door, Naruto. That's an order." He held his breath, unsure if it would work.

A moment later, the lock clicked. Iruka leapt up and had his foot in the door before Naruto could change his mind, juggling far too much ramen. The inside of the apartment was pitch black, but he could sense Naruto's chakra and hear him breathing, curled in a tiny ball of misery near the door. Iruka fumbled for the light switch; a lone, bare lightbulb sputtered to life.

He set the ramen down and toed off his sandals. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really." A sniffle.

"Me neither. When's the last time you ate?"

"Three days." Another sniffle.

Iruka very carefully did not punch a hole through something. He wouldn't be able to manage the right angle to hit his own head, anyway. He dug around in the bags and came up with a carton of ramen and a pair of chopsticks. He shoved them in Naruto's direction and retrieved his own carton, sitting on the floor next to the boy.

"Eat. You'll feel better."

"Won't."

"I can make you eat, and you won't like it." The whole world was going crazy around the edges. Iruka wasn't sure if he should be pissed or devastated. "Come on, this is ramen that you're wasting. Please eat it? At this point, you're my last hope for the universe- if you've stopped eating ramen, then I know we're doomed."

That got him a slightly sniffly giggle. "I knew it. It's the apocalypse, the world is ending. Uzumaki Naruto is denying ramen when it's right in front of his face. We're all going to die."

Naruto glared at him. Iruka managed a half-assed grin. "You think I'm joking, but I'm not. This is just the last of many signs."

"The first one being you and Kakashi?" Naruto reached for the ramen and began picking half heartedly at it.

Iruka tried not to feel like he'd been punched in the gut. "No, actually," he said lightly. "The first one was you passing the first two parts of the chuunin exam."

"Hey! Iruka-sensei! Have some confidence in your former students, huh? I'm gonna be Hokage someday, of course I'm gonna pass those tests no problem!"

"Oh, good, you're eating. Guess we're all safe." They both looked into their noodles as though they'd become the most fascinating things on the planet. Naruto scarfed his down in record time, and went digging for another carton. "I'm sorry about yesterday. You shouldn't have seen that, and you have every right to be mad at me."

"I'm not mad, Iruka-sensei. It's none of my business, right? What two people do together..." Naruto leaned against his shoulder as he ate, snuggling for the sake of body contact. Iruka indulged him and pulled the boy close. Naruto was staring at his ramen with a blush creeping across his face. "H-how long have you been..."

"Not long. Not really. On and off for a few weeks...nearly a month, on and off." Iruka stared at his toes, distracted. "Things were difficult at first, and that never really changed. I'm sorry."

Naruto leaned his head on Iruka's shoulder. "I'm not mad," he said again. "I guess...I just wasn't expecting it? The two of you. I mean, you're so..."

"Fussy? Anal-retentive? Stuck-up? Bitchy?" Iruka supplied. At least Naruto wasn't upset over the fact that Kakashi was a man.

Naruto blushed. "No! You're a great person, Iruka-sensei. And he's not. He's a bastard, and a pervert and he's a crappy teacher."

"You liked him as a teacher well enough before. And you hated it when I kept failing you."

"That's beside the point! I've seen you get mad at your students, hell, you got mad at me enough...but you were never *that* mad. Whatever he did, it wasn't worth it if it upset you that much." The innocent sincerity in his eyes brought that annoying ache back to Iruka's chest. "You don't do that to someone you love."

"It- it doesn't always work like that, Naruto. We don't love each other." Naruto stiffened beside him.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry." -What right do you have to break his innocence any further? He doesn't need this right now. ...but if I'm not here for him, who will be? Even if I fuck things up like this, he'll still need me.- And oh, it was good to feel needed. So very, very good.

"Then why-"

"It doesn't really matter, does it? It's over now. We aren't seeing each other anymore. It was just a convenient- whatever it was. It was convenient, and now it isn't, so it's over." He wished he'd thought to bring something to drink; his throat was starting to close up. Too much chili in the ramen, or something...

"Is that what you wanted? Iruka-sensei? Are you crying, Iruka-sensei?"

He scrubbed furiously at his face. "I don't know anymore. I just- I don't know. I'm sorry."

-------------
His eyes were still closed. Iruka traced the line of the scar through his eye with his thumb. He knew this face already; he'd touched it in the darkness and kissed it with his eyes closed. He knew this mouth, the way it laughed and the way it frowned. He knew the scar on the chin that cut into the slightly chapped lower lip. He'd tasted the little notch in the skin there; now he touched it lightly with his index finger.

"I've been unreasonable, haven't I? I was so afraid you were just using me, it never ocurred to me that I was doing the same to you. I'm sorry. After all the things I've done, I don't deserve you."

"Do you love me?"

Iruka kissed him.

"Hey, I'm serious. I want to know." Kakashi held him at arms length and looked up at him through his hair. "Do you?"

Iruka touched his face again, tracing the lines of it, and brushed the hair away from his eyes. Kakashi flinched almost imperceptibly, but without his mask he was as open and vulnerable as it was possible for him to be. "I don't think so." He kissed the edge of the scar through Kakashi's eye. "But I could be wrong."

His expression didn't change much, but the pupil of his blue eye contracted to a pinpoint and the marks in his sharingan trembled. Iruka figured it was the equivalent of watching him burst into tears. Part of him enjoyed the sight. The rest of him felt sick.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that- gods, I'm as bad as you are..." He pulled Kakashi to him even as the other man tried to pull away. "This isn't a game anymore, too many people end up getting hurt that way."

"Shh, shh..." he rocked back and forth gently, rubbing circles over Kakashi's back. "It's okay..."

"Please be wrong." Kakashi buried his face in Iruka's shoulder and clung like a drowning man. "Please, please be wrong." He repeated it like a mantra.

-Why couldn't you just say it?- He opened his mouth but no words came out. -Ah. That's why.-

"We've been living at right angles to each other, have you noticed? Every time we talk, it's like we're having two separate conversations, and I can't stand it. I can't stand it when you ignore me and I can't stand it when you look at me. You make my skin crawl and all I ever want to do is touch you, everywhere, all the time. I want you, but I don't want you anywhere near me."

"I don't even know what I want."

"I think that makes two of us."

"I think I love you."

"I don't know what to think anymore."

Kakashi cupped his face in calloused hands and brushed away the tears Iruka hadn't even noticed falling. "Stop thinking. Please."

It was the "please" that undid him; faced with the vulnerability of a man he'd thought was impervious to everything, Iruka felt his whole world tilting, tilting...he ended up falling into Kakashi's arms.