Crazy Naruto Outline

Okay, so I had a whole long post of fic recs, not that anyone actually reads this unless I point them to it, which I generally don't do since the whole point of having this journal is so that I'm not so self-conscious about posting in it that I stop posting, the way I seem to have with livejournal, but then blogger ate it.

I adore run on sentences.

Anyway. Outline-y things!

I (prologue)
Naruto trains with Jiraiya ("Whadya mean? Look, it's simple. Do you like peeping on this side of the fence, or the other?" "Neither." "What!? Have I taught you nothing?"), Gaara contemplates the nature of grammar and attempts calligraphy (Shukaku insisted on the perfect tense, and he rarely argued; he knew the demon would never appreciate the subtle irony of being stuck forever in a past tense. He, personally, preferred the imperfect, and Mother did, too.), Sasuke...well, nobody really cares what he's doing. Teams 8-10 do not appear.
II Naruto and Jiraiya return (Had it been worth three years of the pervert's stupid jokes and "training sessions" in bath houses? Three years away from home, when it had only just started to feel like home? One look at Jiraiya's stunned face gave him his answer. Was it worth it? Hell yeah- he was so totally gonna be the best Hokage ever.) Tsunade sells him out for the sake of Konoha. ("Give us time." "Sasuke doesn't have time!" "He has more than you will if you stay, god damn it!") Naruto leaves. Naruto sulks. Naruto blows up some trees, feels a little better, and tries to go after Sasuke. Kabuto lays the smackdown, righteous style. ("I kicked your ass before and I'll do it again!" "You haven't grown up at all, have you? The world isn't merciful to people who persist in foolish delusions." "The only one who's gonna need mercy around here is you, asshole!") Naruto sulks some more, and misses his hitai-ate.
III Kankurou gets fed up with his siblings and goes rockclimbing. (It wasn't that he didn't love them, because he did- which he wouldn't admit on pain of death- but they were insane. Not the "Oh, wow, that's crazy!" kind of insane, but the "Have you ever wanted to meet your intestines face-to-face? No? But look at them, they've been dying to say hello for ages!" sort of insane. He didn't really fear for his own life anymore, but when Gaara looked pointedly at Karasu and stated that his imaginary friend could beat up his brother's imaginary friend while the sand played with the puppet's wrapping, Kankurou took that as a signal to grab his weapon and leave.) Naruto isn't sure how he ended up in Wind Country, but what the fuck. Clearly he needs to train more, if that pansy-ass child molesting traitor could still beat him. Kankurou decides that home may be full of crazy people, but he's totally met his surreal quotient for the day now that Uzumaki Naruto is venting at him on top of a cliff. He isn't sure he wants to know why Naruto's life seems to be so full of perverts, anyway. Naruto gets sand in places he never knew he could get sand, and decides the stars are pretty in the desert.
IV General Sandsib cuteness. Naruto gets a job. Gaara goes to investigate, gets Naruto fired. ("Do you even know how to read?" "If you're not fucking buying anything, get the fuck out of my store. And you're not buying any porn, I know you're still too young.") Kankurou and Temari have a chat with Naruto about the proper care and feeding of insomniac badger boys and enlist him as the third official (but first honorary) member of the Society Dedicated to Encouraging Gaara's Humanity. Naruto sulks and yells a lot, particularly at Gaara. Further Sandsib cuteness and Naruto being himself. Kankurou buys lots of porn, Naruto gets his job back, Gaara discovers a heretofore unknown passion for books.
V Blah blah blah, stuff happens, Gaara nearly decapitates Kankurou for teasing him, Temari gets pissed, all three of em get sent off on a mission. Naruto is lonely again. He gets into a screaming match with Gaara when the sandsibs return, tonsil hockey occurs. Naruto shouts some more, tonsil hockey occurs. Property damage occurs. Gaara is confused, Temari and Kankurou have the "If you break our little brother's heart, we break your legs" chat with Naruto. Naruto is confused. ("Will you stop that!" "Stop what?" "Th-that! You know-mph!" "..." "Fuck!" "Really?" "No! I said stop it, damn it! Can we have a civilized conversation where you don't shove your tongue down my throat?" "...do we have to?" "God damn it!")
VI Relationship shite is hammered out, Naruto is still confused, but kind of happy. Excessive amounts of training happens. A few months (years?) pass. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Sasuke has officially been labelled an S-level criminal after a bunch of Anbu get sent back in pieces. Word gets out that he defected from Orochimaru and is looking for Itachi. Elsewhere, Kabuto catches up with Sasuke and lays the smackdown, righteous style. (Kabuto: *molestmolest* Sasuke: *expires*) Lots of blood and screaming. Back to the people we care about- the Kazekage is sending the sandsibs on a mission, and Gaara refuses to tell Naruto what it is. Temari insists that Naruto comes along, anyway, and it turns out they're going to take down Orochimaru.
VII Gaara kicks ass. Lots of it. ("Temari, Kankurou. If there's anyone you feel like keeping alive, you have three minutes to get them out. This ends here.") After Kabuto and Orochimaru are finished with him, Sasuke is a few cards short of a full deck, and Gaara breaks him like a twig. Naruto foxes out and eats Orochimaru and Kabuto, then shows up in time to keep Gaara from turning Sasuke into a vegetable. Shikamaru and Team X show up, demanding Sasuke. Sandsibs and Naruto go to Konoha with angst boy. Naruto is still confused, Gaara is posessive, and nobody really cares about Sasuke. Well, maybe Naruto does- but Sasuke's fucking nuts.
VIII Angst. Sex. Fluff. Temari plays go with Shikamaru and wins by default; they can't tell whose pieces are whose when his nose is bleeding all over 'em. Kankurou spends quality time with Iruka, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on in Naruto's head. Newsflash- not even Naruto knows. Kankurou gives up and talks to Hinata and Kiba; Shino considers being posessive but decides it isn't worth the effort. Sasuke is still nuts; if Itachi shows up, Gaara and Naruto rip him to shreds. He probably won't show up. Sasuke calms down enough to manage a rational conversation with Naruto. Naruto sorta-kinda breaks up with Gaara, the sandsibs go home. Naruto stays. Tsunade fumes, Jiraiya is a pervert, so is Kakashi and, surprisingly enough, Iruka. Sasuke tries to be a pervert and fails. Naruto is feeling less confused, but less happy as well.
IX A few months pass. Sasuke is still kinda crazy, but not all the time. Naruto is depressed and not confused at all and decidedly not sleeping with Sasuke. No, really. Seriously, he's not lying. ...Well, if you have any better suggestions for when he starts trying to chew through his wrists, you just let him know, okay? Back at the trenches, the chuunin exam has returned to Konoha. Naruto gets teamed up with Neji and Lee, and yes, he is decidedly ignoring any and all members of Suna who happen to be wandering around. Particularly those three jounin with the veils who keep glaring at him. Forest of death, blah blah blah giant tigers, blah blah, Naruto and Lee create some crazy taijutsu combos together, Naruto continues to ignore Sand. ("Uzumaki-ryuu Rendan!" "...Lee?" "Yes, Neji-kun, my brightly shining eternal rival?" "Was it really necessary to take down those trees, along with those six teams?" "Trees? What do you- oh no! Konoha's pride and joy and namesake! What have I done? The squirrels!" "That's right, Lee. Think of the squirrels. And Naruto? Next time, stay away from my hair.") Meanwhile, Gaara is visiting Sasuke, who is not as batshit as you might think. Certain understandings are reached, and Sasuke admits that, maybe, he's fucked up a few things.

Other stuff happens. Naruto runs into Gaara and remembers that yeah, sure, Sasuke is pretty and all, but Gaara is nice to him. And Gaara makes him happy. And Gaara hasn't slept since he left. Whoops. Cut to raging, hormonal, annoyed demons. Sasuke does something selfless for Naruto's sake, as usual, and, somehow, the story resolves itself. With lots and lots of sex.
The end.

Needs a title, still, and I need to decide if I really want to write it...it's fairly concrete (not solid, just concrete) in my head up to chapter 7; after that, things get a little hazy. It's supposed to eventually be a Gaara/Naruto/Sasuke, but I'm having a hard time fitting Sasuke into the equation. I'll work on it, I guess in my head. Maybe I will write it, if only because I adore the Sand Three...but now I think I need to get Kankurou to stop hitting on Hinata, because he's only going to scare the poor girl.

I love fucked up futurefic. Sasuke's having a hard time fitting into the equation because he's going to get totally fucked over by Kabuto and Orochimaru, who are not actually child molesters. Well, Orochimaru is, but Kabuto's all talk and no action. *shrug* We'll see. Chances are I won't write it, because I'll be too caught up in school to worry about it. La.