Damn, I wish I could draw actual people. I so wanted to draw Erica's outfit tonight. Screw that, I so wanted to wear that thing. *sigh* Why'd my family have to be so...American? (I wish I were Hindu...(So, how did that go again? Krishna, Rama, Buddha, Naryan...) Yes, yes, I know. Ehhru?)

I danced. A lot. Swang my hips and raised my arms, I danced because the music beat from my head to my feet and set the tips of my fingers a tingle. It was good, very good. Because there was no one to impress but myself, and no one on the dance floor but my friends, and no one to care about but me me me and the whole wide world in my heart and my soul. Everything and everyone, all in me while I danced.

And if I made a fool of myself, who's to laugh? Just me. Shake your self, wide awake; the music is on. Indian techno-dance remixes- the sort of stuff you rave to; I wanted to bounce up and down and twirl in circles. I didn't, but I danced anyway. A little subdued for public consumption. *wink*

It was much more relaxed tonight than last night, for me...better food and better company and better music. I flirted shamelessly but couldn't kiss anyone because there was someone else in the car. You've no idea how much I wanted to, though.

Just let go? Oh, sure. I can do that. But I don't want to. How could I let go of these things? He doesn't understand. I could never let go of everything. Even at my most relaxed, lying in corpse while the music sings a sweet sussurus in the background, I can't let go of this. It's too precious, too dear. My energy and my stress- those are minor side affects. I can deal with them; to be quite honest, it's more fun to be high-strung.

It's earned me quite a reputation, at any rate. *laugh*

And maybe I'll be a different person in a different place- I finally am getting away. And now I find that I don't want to leave, because things are sorting themselves out. The only question is, how will I choose?

I don't like to choose, you know. I don't want to chose. But I would have kissed someone. *shrug* Instead, I danced, and laughed, and threatened bodily injury when we got out of the car. All in good fun, of course, of course. Always in good fun.

I haven't been this happy in a while; I don't know if it's the natural upswing that follows my hormonal imbalance-induced depression or if its simply because I had a good time at the party. I don't think it matters. Honestly, I don't.

I think I'll be okay. I hope I'll be okay. I don't know that I'll be okay, because I can't let go- I don't think I ever learned how.

Maybe it's my overwhelming sentiment; we're all hopeless romantics deep down inside in my family. You can tell because we're pack rats and can't bear to throw anything away. Everything tells a story, every piece of junk and every junky memory.

It all fits together to describe who we are.

My ears are ringing; the crazy Indian techno dance remix music was louder than the ghetto dance stuff last night. (I want Erica's dress, dammit! Pretty pretty!)

Dance with me; I can't dance very well (what's that white girl with no rythym doing on the dance floor!? Somebody sit her down!) but I can be quite enthusiastic. *clapstomp*