Saturday, September 27, 2003

Yay for finally getting the hang of keenspace...there are now link and character pages up on GA, and I can work on finishing the next page. Yay and huzzah. Right now, however, I must read Emma, and contemplate what I'm going to wear to Rocky Horror tonight.

Thank god tomorrow is sunday.

*is happy*
This quite literally made me cry:

http://allrpg.com/image_archive/9.jpg

Square, oh Square, how could you do such a thing? Why? Why, gods damn thee, tell me why! Why can't people simply leave well enough alone, and let the fanfic and doujinshi finish the story that was begun six years ago? Why must they continue it now, after all the craze and hype has ended, now after the doors have been opened to countless heathens and empty hearted infidels?

Is nothing sacred? Nothing at all? Not even the Great Sephiroth's bangs? Must they, like all our hopes and dreams, be flattened beneath the horrendous wheels of 'progress'?

And once you've finished answering those questions for me, Square, I want to know when it's going to be dubbed/subbed in English, and when I can preorder a copy.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Heh. Keenspace wasn't being a bitch; I was just being stupid. So, link to the side. Link right here too, because it excites me.

Yes, I promise there will be a layout at some point in the near future. But I just figured out the whole 'ftp' thing, so I'm kinda excited. Hee.

"Where you raised by wolves?"
"Yes. I was."

The Quiznos commercial cracks me up beyond belief.

Right, kiddies. Pray for mountain day. Pray to whatever deity you do or do not believe in! We want mountain day!

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Judy Collins is not conducive to writing Schwarz snippets. Not at all. Here I was, expecting to sit down and write out some bit of drabble between Schuldich and Crawford, when I start singing along with "Colorado" even though I can't quite hit all of those notes sometimes. It just doesn't work. Okay, so maybe Shu could pull off "Queen of the Night", but that's only because he's on crack.

So, instead, I give you page 2: Godless Avatar

Feckin' keenspace. *sigh*
D: "You fucking lied to me, Jude. I thought you were my friend!"
J: "Calm the fuck down, Darwin. I am your friend."
D: "Friends don't lie to each other."
J: "The hell they don't. Friends just don't get away with it as easily."
D: "I can't forgive you for this, you know that."
J: "You're over reacting, Dar. Would you have believed me if I'd told you right out what was going on? Honestly?"
D: "You still shouldn't have lied! They might still be alive if you'd told the truth!"
J: "Oh, shut up. Man, do you really think I'd have helped those bitches after all they put you through?"
D: "...You did not. Just. Insult. My. Mother."
J: "Go pluck out your eyes, Oedipus."
D: "That's it. You're going down."
J: "A duel? You want to duel with me? Fine, let's go."
D: "To the death!"
J: "Sporks, Dar? You want to duel with sporks?"
D: "Not just any sporks, Judecca. These are evil sporks."
*poik*
J: "OwfuckshitshitfuckinghellouchdamnityoubastardSHIT!"
D: "Do you yield?"
J: "Yes you little fuck, now quit channeling Rhonaya! You cheated!"
D: "And you lied."
J: "Look, if I say I'm sorry and I'll never do it again within reason, will you move on?"
D: "Sure. Duane, you can come out of the closet now."
J: "...you bastard."
J: *fwop*
Du: "I don't know who to be more pissed at now."
D: "What did I do?"
Du: "My boyfriend just disappeared in a cloud of smoke like some cheesy movie prop, but you just tried to kill him- I dunno, who should I be more annoyed at? I'm supposed to just smile and nod and say, 'oh, he's obviously a spawn of satan so therefore it's okay to off him with a cursed spork' because you think he's evil?"
D: "Uh..."
Du: "Nevermind, Dar. Just tell me where he went."
D: "Uh..."
Du: "I am so going to tell Miranda, and then you will die."
D: "Damn."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The facial expressions make it much more amusing in my head, 'cuz by this point, Dar is somewhat less than sane and he knows it but can't help it. Needless to say, this scene is a long way from being drawn. Have class now, will put up the next page this afternoon.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

The nano journal lives! Sort of. We had to exhume it and hire a necromancer, but it seems to be up on its feet at the moment...

The layout here is getting to me, but it's such a pain in the ass to change...*sigh* I know, I know- I'm lazy and have been rather boring lately. I apologize. I can't say it'll get better, but...I'll think about it.

Monday, September 22, 2003

The latest panel of Nine Swords cracks me up for some strange and perverted reason. Look, ma, vampire porn. Am I sick and twisted for enjoying the comic? Probably. But if Riley weren't the personification of snarky badassedness, I wouldn't like it half as much. I'd only like it about a third, or perhaps three sevenths as much; it is very pretty, if you like gore.

I wish I could draw like that; I wouldn't use my skills for evil, or for porn, but I still wish I could draw like that. (Yes, I have been working on GA. No it hasn't been going particularly well. I still can't get Zazi's head right. But I have successfully drawn a pair of hands that don't look like mittens or the offspring of some sort of horribly stunted tentacle monster.)

Two weeks ago or so, I was on the bus to Northampton, and there was a girl wearing a Breaking Pangaea t-shirt. That's about the niftiest band name a band can have; the music isn't half bad, either. I love happy serendipitous things like that. They please me. Right now, however, I am looking for more video game music- Wild Arms, to be precise. Best music evah.

Beware the quantum duck...quark quark quark!
The words she does not speak
creep up out of the corners of her eyes
and slide to the floor with silent dusty trails
to crawl away unseen
and unheard
---
Said the duck above the doorway,
why not, why not?
What's the point in living
if you don't love what you've got?

To the duck said I
why, why?
What's the point in loving
when you've given all you've got?

To this the duck had no reply
save a smile and a wink.
At this I simply shook my head
And had another drink.

Cheers!

Sunday, September 21, 2003

New title. Because the song still makes my brain want to crawl out of my ears and melt, dragging my spinal chord with it.

This is a good thing. No, really.

"I wanted to be a druid, but I didn't make the cut."

Story of my life, folks. Story of my life. *wink*

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Y'know what I really miss? My Bebop soundtrack, particularly the song with the barry and the flute. I mean, that one was always just really, really impressive to me. How do you get them to stay in tune across all those octaves?

And, of course, Too Good, Too Bad. Love that song, especially blasting it on Kev's stereo while we drove down 28 (or is it 26 or 23? I can't even remember anymore...) with Steve and Allen in the car, on the way to a night of carousing and d&d.

I have met Elrond- I mean, James' clone, and I shall be playing d&d with her and Eleanor and several other people whom I have yet to meet, on Sunday. This excites me; I haven't played since New Years.

No, really, you can go back through the archives and find the horn of blasting sneeze reference.

I wish it were always New Years, though I've no idea where that particular thought came from.

Heh. Cat Blues. Yeah, baby, yeah.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

I would just like to say that anyone who has ever written anything beyond a one sided Faye/Spike fanfic needs to be beaten severely with Ein. Possibly with Ed as well, or with Jet's arm just to make sure they get the point.

Bad fans, no biscuit.
For those of you who wish to skip the self indulgent prattle that follows, you may proceed on to Godless Avatar page 1. This was not the original purpose of this post, but I felt I had to do something to counteract the carp I did five minutes ago.

The problem of my cryptic handwriting is solved by the description box. Questions, comments, and thwaps upside the head can be left below. I utterly and completely suck at scenery of any sort, and I still don't like Painter for much of anything except maybe the watercolors, which I wouldn't actually color anything with. I'd just mess around and then return to photoshop, or as I have more and more lately, Open Canvas. OC is much, much nicer to work with, even if it isn't quite as versatile as photoshop.

Keep in mind that whatever ends up in deviantart is something of a rough draft; things like panel order and page composition may change at a later date. It isn't likely, but it's possible. I'm really just saying this to cover my ass over the fact that it sucks.

Now back to our regularly scheduled pointless babble.
---------------------------------------------------------------

...it seems as if the whole world is against me at this point.

Or rather, as if blogger seeks to send me into an epileptic fit or some sort of hypochondriac shock; all day I've had words running free and careless and demanding within the confines of my skull, and now, here, when I try to explain them away, the thrice bedamned program spits them back at me.

Should I feel stung by this rejection from a mindless program? Should I feel demeaned and affronted?

I think I'll settle for mild annoyance and hope it doesn't happen again.

The poetry threatens to overwhelm me; I've no idea what brought on this sudden diarrhea of the mind. Messy, uncomfortable, and inconvenient in every way possible, that's what this is. I spent the better part of an hour on a bench in the sun with a pen, and my fingers have the inkstains to prove it. In the writing I found nothing that I did not already know on various and sundry levels; I can no longer tell when I'm being profound and when I'm being banal and trite.

The words flow without reason, without purpose. There is no meaning to anything, and there never was; we simply are, and at the moment I am defined by the words because there is nothing more to me. I am what I write, I write what I am. If that is meaningless, so be it. I can live with that, I can be joyful over that. I can be.

Fiat. I spent the better part of an hour discussing the concept of Fiat with myself. Not the little Italian car (I will not succumb to the urge to free thought here; there will be no associations, or I will lose what little self I have left) but the word itself: Let there be. Fiat lux, fiat nox, fiat nos. Fiat. And god spoke, and there was, and it shall be.

I do not believe in the deist concept of the ineffably apathetic watchmaker. God is a gardener, and we flourish within the bounds of its garden.

I don't mean to sound overly...religious. That's a dangerous word, one that I have yet to define within the neat boundaries of classroom and the strained realms of my heart and mind. I don't mean to come across as a starry eyed new age mystic, either. They're only words. They give things life, they make things real, but in the end they are only words.

Their power lies in their ability to stir belief; and lo, it leads us to the shaking of our beliefs until we can no longer believe what was once believable; instead, we must believe the unbelievable and content ourselves with more complex joys.

Words, words, words. Shakespeare had it right, maybe. Or maybe he had it written right and was not actually right himself within the rites he enacted and maybe I'm not writing about anything at all.

Maybe I never have and maybe I never will and maybe 'maybe' is the most powerful word of all, that ambiguous dual syllable of a word.

We drown ourselves in maybes and forget to breath what is.
-------------------------------------

I have a folder in my email account where I save emails from all the people I thought I might have bee in love with. It is titled, uncreatively enough, 'amo'. I was clearing out my inbox the other day and found emails from someone I might have loved, did love- someone whom I will never see nor hear from again. I didn't touch them; they belonged in the other folder, out of sight and out of mind, but clicking that little box would've brought me too close to temptation. Rereading them would destroy me, deleting them would do even worse.

But as long as I leave them there, they will remind me, and that is perhaps no less deadly. These are things I will have to face, someday. I'm sure I'll face them in the end, by averting my eyes.
--------------------------------------

Words, just words, and I've no idea where they've come from nor where they wish to go. All I can do is write and hope to exhaust my fingers and my mind. A momentary pause brings it all to a screeching halt, but does not alleviate the pressure upon my soul.

I still can't tell the difference between a profundity of profound statements, or a proliferation of trash. All I know is my grammar and vocabulary become increasingly expanded and archaic. I fear that in the end I will be so obsolete as to not even understand myself.

Of course, that eventuality came to pass long ago, but it's a fragile falacy that I like to cling to despite the truth.
------------------------
If I were a cat, my ears would be flat against my skull right now.

Stupid blogger.
Godless Avatar p1

Cover page. More to follow as I get around to it. The text tool in photoshop is giving me issues, and I don't think many of you can read my handwriting, so I have to fix that before I can actually post the two or three pages I have finished. The art's preeeetty damn crappy. The cover page is not indicative of the quality of the rest of the thing.

I do like the flat way Dar is colored. Diana is just very...blue. It seemed like a good idea at the time, I suppose. In addition to the text tool giving me issues, the layer options were being bitchy as well; thankfully the feather looks okay. You can all tell it's a feather, right? I would've drawn the evil!Venus statue, but it really does look silly, and the feather looks kinda cool. Anyway.

Yup. There ya go. Can't believe I'm actually doing this- but I guess it doesn't count until I start posting pages...soon, lovelies, soon.

I can't believe I just downloaded The Great Nothing- Spock's Beard. 27 minutes long. I am so going to get distracted half way through and switch to something else. Stupid lack of attention span.

Goodbye to Yesterday is a very, very pretty song. Winamp pulled Vash on it. Aw.

Finally saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert; Hugo Weaving makes such an adorable drag queen, and I wish I had a son like that kid. "Do you do ABBA, too?" Or an older brother like Felicia. (But then, the thought of either of my brothers in drag is enough to make me twitch. Some things just should not be contemplated.) Everyone should watch this movie, it's wonderful. I finally see why dad kept harping on about it. *grin*

I'm quite excited about the thought of CB as Batman, but I'll never be able to get the image of him doing inappropriate things with Ewan McGregor out of my mind. It just totally ruins my image of the Dark Knight- the glitter, man, the glitter! Damn thee, Velvet Goldmine, and your glam rock yumminess! ...never mind. You'd have to see the movie to understand, and I wouldn't recommend that to most of you. It'd just be too traumatic.

Enough trauma for tonight. Ta.

Saturday, September 13, 2003

Ng. Now I remember why David Bowie did occasionally disturb me.

Movie night last night. Velvet Goldmine. Christian Bale, silly hair, Ewan McGregor's penis, the Sexiest Brian vs the Sexiest Kurt, singing in a frock, flipping them off, David Bowie and a soccer coach, because those are obviously connected, dolls! and what. the. fuck. aliens, glitter, dead glitter, naked men, satellite of looooove, sexy mullets, Oscar Wilde is a space creature, where's the resolution?

(By resolution, I mean happy ending where everyone gets back together, because I am a sap.)

And that was Velvet Goldmine. It gave me creepy, creepy dreams about immortal rock stars taking over the world and sacrificing Godsmack to the greater good. There were also hillbillies with shotguns who killed everyone, including the immortal rockstars, who happened to bear a passing resemblance to Matt Damon and Ben Afflek. I'm sure the whole dream was a metaphor of some sort for the misery of human condition and the ever-present feelings of intolerance and hatred towards those who are different.

My dreams are catching up with me now; I'm not sure if I should be worried or not.

Still, as far as gay movies based in flashback go, this one was pretty damn amusing- although I would normally expect Christian Bale to top. His character was such a tragically stupid one, however, that it's okay.

Never mind.

"All that glitters- is GAY!"

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

'kay, maybe it's just my browser. but if you're having trouble reading more than a post and a half, try making your window smaller and then making it fullsize again. Don't reduce it, just make it smaller. That seems to fix it. How strange and random...
hmm...still no idea why the archives don't work at random intervals. don't really care at this point, either. look, fewer ads!
*sigh* I'm going to finish my homework now. I have class at 8:30 tomorrow.

Monday, September 08, 2003

So, uh, somebody leave a comment? Please? It would make me ever so happy...

And, uh, I'd like to know if the stupid blog made the transition to blogspot okay. I swear, someday I will get veradicere.net, some day!

...just, not now, when I'm finally realizing exactly how easy it is to spend ridiculous amounts of money on random shit while at college. Summer paycheck? I had a summer paycheck? Really?

I won't order Six String Samurai on DVD, or all of the Christopher Moore books on Amazon, or any of the yummy doujinshi on ebay. Not now. Won't do it. On the other hand, if any of you need ideas for birthday gifts...

Nah, I'll use my discount cards at Odessy and see if I can't find any Christopher Moore there.

*le sigh* I'm feeling very undereducated here. Stupid Franklin English classes. I need to find me some motivation and read some of those required senior reading books. Alas.

...Livejournal is going down like a two dolla ho again. Bad lj. I need new icons (though the fern one amuses me a great deal...) I also need to learn how to properly punctationalize things in parentheses. Yes, punctuationalize is a word. Don't argue with me, it's late and I have homework.

But we have cable now. *happy thumb dance* And cable means food and cartoon network. Boo-yaka.
fucking hell, blogger.
?
aaaand, testing, testing?
Mmmkay, the blog should be relocated to:
veradicere.blogspot.com

Because tripod is a bitch to end all bitches, that's why.
I think the issues are all tripod's fault; expect a move at some point in the future.
Sometimes the fear is choking; sometimes it is nonexistant. Sometimes, we have no idea who is standing where, and that just sucks.

---(A few for everyone)---
I think I'm dying, but that just seems blasphemous, somehow. I would've asked, but only he ever answered my questions, and I think he's dead too. Somehow, that seems even worse. We weren't supposed to die, after all. But I suppose its better this way. Who needs immortality when it's this empty?

Oddly enough, that feels the most blasphemous of all.


She found them in the library, slumped over their books and snoring in unison. One could almost believe they were brothers, twins even, despite their mismatched colors. She wondered, if they woke up and glanced at each other, would they be confused at the colors in the mirror? Or would green and silver, brown and gold seem commonplace to them?

She watched them sleeping a while longer, before carefully easing their books out from under their slack jawed faces. They did not so much as stir, and her cloak was large enough to cover them both.

She would see them again in the morning.
------------

Woo, obscurity. I love being vague like that.

Sunday, September 07, 2003

Samantha and Guildenstern on Audioslave's "Like a Stone". *shiver* Oooh, winamp, you are cruel. It's such a pretty skin, too, with Guildenstern looking so evil and pissy. I absolutely adore pissy evil. And I love this song; so does winamp. It's constantly playing, which is kind of annoying, even though I do like it.

Funny, I didn't know til Karan told me that Soundgarden broke up and was reformed as Audioslave. S'prolly why I like 'em so much.
...Ashley on "It's the End of the World as We Know It". D'oi. Winamp seems to be in a Vagrant Story sort of mood. A shame I'll be turning it off in a minute.

Did you know they sell the dvd of Spaceballs at Target for ten bucks? Neither did I. *happy dance* Good stuff, good stuff- I haven't seen this movie in ages. I think my complete and utter geekiness confuses and frightens Tina. I wear the same clothing she does, more or less, minus those stupid Old Navy tshirts with the idiotic logos. I realize that I look vaguely preppy at times, with my pseudo Gap clothing. But you really can't judge by appearances alone. When on the bus last night (and yesterday afternoon, yesterday evening, and basically all of yesterday) Tina oggled some random guy in an incredibly ugly sweater. He looked like a jock; broad shoulders, nice cheekbones, what have you. I, meanwhile, was oggling the snarky bus driver, who had numerous bits of hardware in his ears, a shaved head, and a bolt through the back of his neck. Never seen one of those piercings before. (The girl with the space between her eyebrows pierced wins strangest piercing, though Tina claimed to have seen someone with their cheeks pierced.)

Heh. Our differences amuse me. Don't get me wrong, Tina's a really nice girl, and she's just as out of place as I am, but we really are complete opposites.

But the bus driver really was cute. He drove us home Friday night too. ;)

...Kaworu with a skin titled "Ode to Joy" (of course, it's Kaworu), on "Life is a Flower". Hi, winamp? Yes, it's very poetic and pretty and whatnot, but really. Doncha think that's a bit too obvious? The secret lives of computer programs...

Friday, September 05, 2003

what. the. fuck?

Thursday, September 04, 2003

So, yeah, the main character and the first four archetype bios all follow; I can't do any drawing til I get my new pen in the mail, alas.

Way to go with spamming my own journal, though.

:)
Yeah, I know I'm not explaining things like what Ula is, how it works, and what exactly happened during the Bleak...that's all pointless backstory at this point, I think. If y'really wanna know, ask.

Hmm...should I buy the Think Like Amano poster series for my dorm? *sigh* It's so very tempting, and my walls are so very bare...

Adarial/Shivetth
occupation: archetype of life/death
preferred gender: female/male
age: older than you, younger than Zazi and Rhonaya
height: 5'8"
hair: eye searing neon green streaked with purple/black streaked with dark red
eyes: bright green/ black
build: slenderish

Adarial and Shivetth are two different people with two different bodies and two different personalities...stuck in the same space. So you can only talk to one of them at a time, as they can't both occupy their space at the same time. No one is exactly sure where the other one goes when not visible; they aren't telling. They're Zazi and Rhonaya's first and only children, which might explain why they're like siamese twins gone wrong; that probably isn't the case, though, as the elemental archetypes were all spawned from some combination of Adarial/Shivetth and Zazi or Rhonaya, and none of them are particularly mutated...

They're twins, and two sides of the same thing. Without life, there is no death; without death, life becomes meaningless. So they're stuck together. They don't mind, not really; they get along fabulously, though like they're parents, they are complete opposites.

Adarial is spastic, thoughtless, and flighty, but she is also very, very charismatic, warm, and beautiful. Ignore the fact that her features are blinding; she is the most beautiful of all the archetypes, though no one can actually figure out why. She is everything that life is; frustrating, confusing, and careless. In addition to representing life, she also represents freedom, and her personailty ultimately reflects this. She is free from everything, all responsibilities and cares and worries- no matter what, she goes on. The only the she is not free of is death, her brother. Adarial is everyone's friend; she's the life of all the parties, so to speak. She's not so much cruel as she is careless; life goes on whether those living it want it to.

Shivetth is a very serious, quiet person, but he is without a doubt the kindest of all the archetypes. His sister's lightheartedness counterbalances his own sobriety, and his kindness counters her callousness. Shivetth is a lot like Zazi, and 'Darial takes after Rhonaya; he's the only person who can stand to be around Zazi for any length of time (mostly owing to his being in love with the idiot) and he's also the only person who doesn't increase the chaos factor around Zazi. The only person not killing him is the personification of death. There's irony there, too. Either way, Shivetth gets along pretty well with everything, unless they're mortal, of course. He's utterly devoted to his sister and to Zazi, though he doesn't often show it. A little on the emotionless side, sometimes, but infinitely compassionate.

Adarial feels the pain and exhilaration of every birth, while Shivetth feels the relief and sadness of every death. It's a wonder they're both still reasonably sane.
Rhonaya (Rhone)
occupation: archetype of Chaos
preferred gender: it's so hard to tell sometimes...but female
age: more than you but less than Zazi
height: uh...
hair: ditto
eyes: we only wish we knew
She's a chaos archetype. She looks like whatever she wants to look like, which can be anything from a giant blue bloodsucking duck to a middle aged librarian. When around Zazi or the other archetypes, she usually takes the shape of a very tall, curvy woman. Hair and eye color are arbitrary.

She isn't evil; she's chaotic. This makes her the most powerful archetype, as chaos conquers everything eventually. In the very end, it will be just her, and nothing else; but when there is only chaos, it becomes order because there is nothing else to compare it to. Relativity will destroy her, but unlike Zazi, who will dwindle to nothing and go out with a whimper, Rhonaya will grow more and more powerful until she implodes. Big Bang- and everything starts over.

Rhonaya, however, has much longer to live.

She assimilates aspects of the people around her; her personality is just a conglomeration of all the rest of existance. Her mood swings are deadly, but when she's up she's really up. The only constant with her is that she likes to mess with Zazi. She only does it out of love, and because it's in her nature to whittle down order's defenses. If she knew how close she is to killing Zazi, she'd be horrified, but the problem is that she just doesn't realize it.

They aren't perfect, loving siblings, of course. They argue constantly because Zazi is so anal and Rhone is the complete opposite. Zazi would be like the square meal, and Rhone would be "let them eat cake! with ice cream! and pie! and soup! cake soup!" Then they would glare at each other and start shouting. After the Bleak and the delegation of most responsibilities to the deities, Zazi went hermit like on Rhone, and she stopped bothering him, content with playing in her own worlds. Rhone is very easily amused; if she gets bored, she just goes and pays a visit to the element archetypes, or Shivetth and Adarial, who are always glad to see anyone, especially Rhonaya.

Rhone's a good person, except when it comes to Zazi, and she can't really help that. When she can muster the attention span, she's very devoted to her children (the other archetypes and her creations) and when she's not in one of her mega-bitch moodswings, she can be very sweet.

Kinda hard to describe, really, but that's what comes of being the personification of chaos, I suppose...
So, yeah; those of you interested in being a sounding board for Avatar (meaning Bo, but anyone else who wants to, really) can just leave a comment or something; hells, leave a comment anyway, even if it's just to say 'yo, you're a moron and aren't really going to go through with this'. That's okay.

Mmm, head banging to Carmina Burana. Gotta love somethin' composed by a guy named Orff. Just say it a couple of times. Orff Orff Orff! Heh.

name: Zazi (*coughcoughguadocoughcough*)
occupation: archetype of order
age: a few hundred millennia or so, give or take an aeon
preferred gender: male
height: 6'
build: average
hair: white blonde
eyes: gray

Zazi is the oldest self aware being, as Space and Time don't count. They're just sort of there, if y'know what I mean. Zazi is, as one would expect, a complete and total anal retentive, obsessive compulsive, type A personality. He can't help it, it's just what he is. He's also chronically depressed and a complete and utter pessimist to the point where you really, really want to smack him in conversation. That's mostly his sister's fault; in the beginning, he was quite happy. Now, toward the end, he's gotten to be more than a little cynical.

He's only the oldest by a bit, as his sister popped into being as soon as he'd gotten his bearings and had a good look around. Rhonaya is the archetype of Chaos, and in the very beginning, they were very close. But as soon as Rhone grew into her power, they became not exactly enemies, but certainly not friends. Like Dar and his mother, no matter what he does, Zazi cannot escape his sister. She is entropy, and entropy will always encroach upon order. She's also incredibly manipulative, and has Zazi wrapped around her finger.

Of all the archetypes, Zazi is usually the only one with any sort of plan or method to his actions. The others do what they want, when they want, and damn the consequences. He is cursed with always knowing the consequences, and because of the nature of the universe, the consequences are slowly killing him. Rhonaya grows stronger as he grows weaker; entropy increases, order decreases, and Zazi dies a little bit more every day. His cynicism is understandable when you look at things from his point of view.

Zazi is actually fairly easy to get along with, once you accept that he is the personification of order. He accepted long ago that no matter what he does, the universe will ultimately destroy him; he exercises complete control over his own domains, but basically lets everyone else do as they wish. He was once a domineering hardass with no consideration for anything but himself, but he's mellowed out severely over the years. Encroaching death does that to some people.

The worlds he controls are basically blank, featureless places, empty and perfectly ordered. The rest of the universe isn't allowed in; after the Bleak on Ula, Zazi became rather hermit like, moving his branches to the outskirts of Ula, as far away from everything else as possible. It's a survival tactic; so long as he has one sanctuary, he can survive. I keeps him alive, but it's rather lonely.

The irony is that if he cut himself off completely from the rest of Ula, no only would his own worlds wither and die, but Ula itself would wither as well; in a rare act of selflessness, he made the system able to sustain itself without him to watch over it. Eventually, everything will fall apart, but by then he'll be gone.

Yes, Zazi is vaguely depressing. He also has more issues than you can shake a small furry animal at, and they're all Rhonaya's fault. (I really am being rather misogynistic here, aren't I? How odd...)
Vash on Scar Tissue. Thank you, Winamp.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Darwin Damaskenos
age: 23
height: 5'9
build: underfed
hair: black and unkempt, longish and in need of a trim
eyes: brown, completely unremarkable
Darwin gives off the vibe of someone who can't be bothered to look after his appearance; most of his clothing is too big and hasn't made the acquaintence of a washing machine in a while. His hair needs to be cut, or at the very least combed, as he looks rather shaggy right now. He also looks like he doesn't remember to eat, ever; anorexic comes to mind, though he isn't, really. His metabolism simply resembles a humming bird's. He wears glasses for reading unless he can't find them, in which case he squints. He does, fortunately, remember to bathe regularly, though lately he hasn't bothered to do even that.

Dar lived with his mother and Diana because neither of them had any place to go. Diana came in off the streets at his mother's invite, and his mother had been evicted from her apartment a few years before. So he wasn't exactly living with his mother; more like his mother was living with him. Really, he's not quite that much of a loser. Pathetic, yes, but not precisely a loser.

He works in a bookstore, more or less full time. It's one of those hole-in-the-wall places that specializes in the weird and occult. Dar loves his job because he gets to write up his own ordering lists, and as a result, the store has one of the most well stocked Pagan and New Age sections in the city. In addition to books, they also sell occult supplies and random kitsch; the problem with this is that they're not sure where half the stuff came from, and sometimes you can see something one day and never see it again. Not because it's been stolen, but because it's decided to literally wander away. Dar is sure he saw a copy of the pop-up Necronomicon sitting on one of the coffee tables, but when he went to put it back on a shelf, it tried to bite him. He got the manager, and when he got back, the book was gone.

Under normal circumstances, people would just assume Dar had imagined it, but other equally strange things have happened to other employees. It's become so commonplace that no one really notices anymore, unless small children get lost in the stacks. (Think Terry Prachett's L-space; it's a little like that.) They do sell normal books, too; bestsellers and trashy romance novels and art books and the like. The store is actually much larger than it looks, due to the dimensional warping and the upstairs loft.

Dar himself is a little spastic at times, but usually pretty easy going. Since he can't get away from his mother no matter how hard he tries, he's developed a rather shy personality and tends to lack self confidence. His mother was a complete and utter manipulative bitch. Being around Diana really just made it worse; the crush he developed for her really never went beyond puppy love, but she manipulated his emotions according to her whims. She wasn't quite as bad as his mother, as she was a little bit nicer about what she did, but still...Dar will let you walk all over him without a second thought. No spine whatsoever.

His two closest friends, Jude and Miranda, have tried for years to get him to stand up for himself. He's progressed to the point where he can stand up to them, which is a rather marked improvement from when they all first met. But anyone else can order him around with no problem.

Yes, he is pathetic. In may ways, he's a lot like Zazi, aside from his perpetual disorganization; people use him and then ignore him. When the archetypes appear, they do the same thing; only Adarial really has any sympathy for him, but Adarial has sympathy for everyone, when she feels like concentrating on it hard enough. (Stupid spastic archetypes.)

Dar was raised Pagan by his mother and they lived like gypsies for the most part; he never received any formal education as they more or less wandered the country. He also has no idea who his father is; his mother won't tell him. Now he's a solitary eclecltic Wiccan who occasionally helps out at his mother's Coven. He has an uncanny knack for spell casting and rituals, but he really wants nothing to do with the coven, preferring his own methods of worship. Of course when his mother tells him to do something, he generally doesn't see a choice in the matter. (He knows perfectly well that it's unhealthy and that she's crushed his spirit completely; he just isn't capable of doing anything about it at this point. And he doesn't fawn over her- he's tried time and time again to get away, but he can't.)

And that's Dar in a coconut shell, more or less. So many issues. Alas.
Watching winmx download a song at 49 kb/s actually brought tears to my eyes.

Wow. This is what I've been living without.

And Winamp just pulled One Winged Angel on K. K being the psychotic American from Gravitation- the guy with the same Seiyuu as Crawford of Weiss Kreuz. So even if he didn't tote around an AK-47 for the express purpose of cowing Yuki Eiri into submission, I'd still like him.

I need Sephiroth skins. I don't have any, anywhere. This is a horrible lack that must be remedied. At least I have Kaworu skins now. Hee, Kaworu.
...and I need to memorize the lyrics to Ira Vehementi. Cuz they're coo'.

...and winmx has a video file sharing capability. Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!
That was bad, and I apologize. I should go buy books now, but I really don't want to...Alas.
The Doorway
I really don't care if you're not in my sight
I really don't think but I think I'm right
It don't bother me none if you're depressed or depraved
'Cause I'm not the one and you don't need to be saved

As the sunrise comes down the doorway
And the snow white falls like rain down an alley
I'll be sending my light your way
You are the doorway
YOU ARE THE DOOR

I really don't care if you lay it all down
I really don't mind if you switch off the sound
Put it in reverse we might sound better that way
Say what you want 'cause it's all o.k.

As the sunrise comes down the doorway
And the snow white falls like rain down an alley
I'll be sending my light your way
You are the doorway
You are the doorway
YOU ARE THE DOOR

What are you waiting for?
What are you hoping will happen now?

Out of the sycamore darkness
The dye was cast
Time has passed away
Color in the world by numbers
Masked in fear
And you can't hear me say
You are the doorway
You are the DOOR

As the sunrise comes down the doorway
And the snow white falls like rain down an alley
I'll be sending my self your way
Don't you know
YOU ARE THE DOOR

I really don't care if you're not in my sight
I really don't think but I think I'm right
It don't bother me none if you're depressed or depraved
'Cause I'm not the one and you don't need to be saved

I really don't care if you twist or you shout
I really don't think what you think you're about
It don't bother me none if you shoot under par
'Cause I know what I am and I know what you are

As the sunrise comes down the doorway
And the snow white falls like rain down an alley
I'll be sending my life your way
You are the doorway
You are the doorway
You are the door
You are the door
You are
THE DOOR
-Spock's Beard, "The Doorway"

...Hello, Avatar's themesong. And how are you doing?
Yeah. That's Dar. That's all Dar. That's basically what Dar is, and how everyone else sees him- to an extent, also how he sees himself.

That, and it's just a really cool song, with some kickass piano melodies. I would maim someone for a Spock's Beard CD.

...I really need to set up winmx or kazaa or icq or something so i can download mp3s. Because I can probably do it really, really quickly now. Oh yeah, ethernet. Or would that be aethernet? Hee.

I'm afraid most of my Godless Avatar thoughts are on hold at the moment, what with my wacom pen not being there. I did finally order a new one, however; why the hell is shipping so damned expensive? Ground shipping is ten dollars, and that's ridiculous when all I want shipped is a two ounce plastic pen. Wrap it in some bubble wrap and stick in an envelope, that's all I want.

*sigh* I've been having issues with my address. It's 2671, not 2761, which I may have told people. Mrp. Need to do a random shoutout to people...Cuz it would suck majorly if other people got my mail. Alas.