To all people who saw LoTR, and especially all the ones to whom I said "You suck. Hard."-

I apologize, though not profusely, and really only to gloat, because I have now seen it twice.

So there.
(Thoughts: Screw Aragorn (figuratively), I'll take Eomyr and Haldir- the prickly bitch elf. Gotta love the prickly bitch elf. He needs some lovin'. (Haldir, by the way, nearly made me cry- but he very much so made me squeal with joy when he showed up at Helm's Deep. Go Elves!)* Frodo, or Elija Wood, whomever comes first, needs to stop whining and must confess his undying love to Sam, as is right and proper. Even KE finally picked up on the subtext- but it really isn't subtext when they're smashing you over the head with it. "It's your Sam!" "Who's yo' Sam?" *cacklcackle* Ye gods, it was worse than the first movie- thankfully, no godsawful Titanic-esque flutes in the background- such cheesy treacle! And treacle really shouldn't be cheesy, that's just disgusting, really- but I guess it depends on the kind of cheese. Legolas- I'm smelling some subtext 'tween him and Aragorn that wasn't really there in the first one. (Except at the Elves' secret council thing in James' apartment complex. Because James is Elrond, and is keeping Gandalf in his closet. (Because Elrond is really a Chinese guy from Canada with an extensive library of anime. And he has Gandalf in his closet. (And because it's really a sort of "You've got to know him to understand" sort of thing, only not- it's really more of a "You've got to see the Wall of Bokken's and the rice cooker to understand" sort of thing, instead.)) I think I've been reading too much Terry Pratchett lately.) I mean, the whole thing with Arwen's necklace, and "You're late" and the glances! The deep, meaningful glances! They need to stop it with the deep, meaningful glances. Legolas had cooler fight sequences in the first movie. The first movie, however, did not have Ents. And Ents, as we all know, rock. With rocks. Did they ever rock with rocks. Part of the reason (aside from the headcounting at Helm's Deep and Grima Wormtongue and the Palantiri) The Two Towers was always my favorite of the trilogy was the Ents. They cut out some of the most amusing parts with the Ents! *sob* And there was no Gandalf monologue on the Battle of Moria. (Dun see why Gandalf couldn't just march on up to Mordor, bang on the gates and go "Yo, Sauron, open up, bitch! This be my turf now, yo!" and end it all. You know he could.) And there was no digging through the ruins of Isenguard and finding pipeweed, or Palantiri. *sob* Unless that happened in the third book, but I swear I wouldn't remember it then, having only read that one once. The Two Towers has been read countless times, and I liked the book better. The Ents sang in the book. And there was Quickbeam, in the book. THEY CUT OUT QUICKBEAM!!! *triplesob, with a sniffle* Eh, well. 'Twas still pretty coo', both times I saw it. Eowyn really didn't kick enough ass, and Viggo Mortensen's wooden acting bugged me. Gollum...creeeepy. *shudder* Not at all what I imagined Gollum to be like. (Just as Orlando Bloom doesn't quite do it for me as Legolas- as Orlando Bloom, of course, he's quite lovely- but as Legolas, he isn't entirely up to snuff. Jonathan Rhys-Davies is the absolute spiff Gimli, mind. And wotsisname is an equally spiff Sam- same with Merry and Pippin (can't tell em apart, mind) and Gandalf. But that's Ian McKellan for you. Wonderful at everything (he started off Shakespearian. What more do you want?). Viggo and Orlando and Elijah just don't quite cut it. Or rather, Elijah would, if he weren't so...ngaaahhrrrgghh. There's no other way to describe it other than: ngaaahhrrrgghh. The elves are otherwise superbly cast (Haldir!) as are the Riders of Rohan.) Lemme see, what else, what else...all of the dialogue between Legolas and Gimli at Helm's Deep that got cut out makes me very sad. The fact that I haven't read the book since seventh grade, yet still remember Leggy's promise to show Gimli Mirkwood and Fangorn forests, and Gimli's explanation about the Helm's Deep caves means that I really, really liked that part. I've got to read them again, I can't remember enough. Tis very sad that I can't remember enough. I have decided, though, that instead of Canada, I shall move to New Zealand. Yessss, my preciousss...New Zealandsss it isss...)

*Hearing Aragorn shout "Fire Arrows!" in Elvish gave me an inspirational thwapping. (Some people get bunnies, or fluff balls- I get smacks upside the head.) Something about a race of Elves whose name for themselves means "arrow" or "archer" or some similar suchlike. None of this peaceful, wise, ancient race crap. These guys are mean and angry and have a penchant for wiping out small countries. They're wise and ancient, of course- but there are many kinds of wisdom, and sometimes all the peaceful, Zen thinking in the world isn't anywhere near as useful as the concept of "Friendly fire isn't." Lady Galadriel would fall down in a faint if she ran into their Lady of the Wood. *hmwahaha*

*sigh* I really, really like Haldir. Prickly little ice queen. *sniffle* *sigh*