Death of Elaine

It's a shame the dark ages had no mailmen-
Look at Elaine, going to such lengths
to deliver a letter to her love.

Like most sleeping beauties, she seems
Likely to awaken at the slightest hubbub-
Rock the boat a bit,
And she'll spring right up.
"Stop rocking!" she'll cry
"Do you know how long it
Took to get my hair to fall just so?"
Then she'll notice the dank and dewy state
Of her apparel, and curse in a ladylike way.

Like most teenaged girls, she has a flair
For the dramatic.
She is used to getting what she wants;
You can see it in her smile, how
She is confident that Death is
Preferable to life with a broken heart
(never mind that broken hearts are known to mend).
Perhaps she is correct; death is elegant, genteel;
Heartache is mere indigestion.
What a way to go! Death by acid reflux-
At least she makes a pretty corpse.

Like most mysterious women,
She is surrounded by watery metaphors,
Bottomless wells and placid lakes.
Get up, you stupid girl.
It's not too late to find a
Mailman to send that letter,
Then steal a boat to Rio.
No one will know the difference-
Least of all that man
(And he told you he couldn't love you).
You could wait tables by the beach,
Sell seashells, get yourself a tan.

Find yourself a nice boy
(an artist, maybe, not a rough
and raucous Round Table man)
who will paint you all the
meaningless wells you want.

Oh, Elaine. Like most tragic heroines,
She won't be waking up, no matter how violently
You rock the boat.
-----------------------------------------

Inspired by the Tennyson poem and the Yoshitaka Amano painting on the same subject; Elaine was a girl who fell in love with Lancelot. He didn't love her back, she pined away, Guenevire found out about it and thought Lancelot was cheating on her and became the Bitch Harpy of Camelot, Lancelot got confused and upset, Elaine wrote a letter to the general populace explaining how Lancelot was too good and pure and blah blah blah, then she killed herself and had her family send her letter and her corpse to Camelot by way of a boat. Letter and corpse arrive, letter is read, Guenevire apologizes, general populace weeps, Lancelot remains confused.

The end.