I have no name.

I only just realized this yesterday, when I was signing up for a message board. I mean, I've been known as Shateiel or Elfgirl or Vera for the most part, but I don't think of myself in terms of any of those names. Not even the real one, (which should, for reference, be pronounced with a short 'e' sound. not the nasal, long 'e' of Veeeera that everyone aside from my family uses to refer to me. it doesn't bother me that much, and I don't care much either way. but. just for reference.) which means that I'm sort of lacking an identity right now.

It's a little bit disconcerting. My signature here says Bela, which I like the sound of, and I may henceforth wish to be called that in general. But at the same time it has a bit too much of a gothic connotation, and that's not me at all.

What this means is that I've signed up for the damned message board as Bela, but I have no username, because I can't figure for the life of me who I really am.

I should like to start over, I think. (But I think I'm thinking in circles now- much as I love the rain, the clouds do more than simply cloud the sky.)

And now I'm being cryptic, though I swear I don't mean to be. I'm just a little tired, and more than a little confused.