So, I went to the Cloisters over the weekend, and there's nothing like looking at bits and pieces of monasteries to make the Dreamscape people start muttering.
The nuns of the secular religion thing (I need to not come up with completely half assed ideas someday. I mean, these things are like quarter-asses or eighths of ass. Kind of sad, really) are actually more powerful than the Emperor. They developed hyperdimensional corridor technology (HDC tech) and distribute it free of charge to anyone with a place to use it. Rumor has it that they're closely related to the Rats because they also distribute very effective security programs to the general populace.
The nuns are most famous for their Cloisters, despite all of their free technology. The Cloisters are places of sanctuary, open to anyone seeking a meal and a safe place to sleep, no matter who they are or what they've done. Those seeking sanctuary are given a ten foot by ten foot room and a bed; if groups of people seek sanctuary together, they're all expected to fit into a single ten foot by ten foot room, with as many beds squeezed into it as necessary. So long as the door to that room is closed, nothing else can enter; the Emperor himself couldn't order a Cloister to open its doors. (Quinn and Leo seek shelter in a Cloister after they flop in Lynna Falls; they quickly discover that it's impossible to brawl in the two foot by ten foot space between the beds. After they bunked the beds, they beat the crap out of each other.)
The Cloisters have a curious effect on the flow of time; the longer you spend Cloistered, the less time passes for you in the Cloister. It's a good way to live forever, but you would die of boredom eventually.
The nuns aren't actually affiliated with anything and, despite the incredible influence they could weild, they don't do anything to influence anyone. In fact, they're closer to being hermits than nuns; they do all their business with the outside world through computers, and no one has ever actually seen one of them.
They'd be important if I had a plot, but I don't, so they're just parts of the setting. *sigh* Oh well. Fly away, logic! Be free!
---
"You're sure you took down all the security?" Sasuke recalibrated his glasses before putting them back on, and the world sprang into sharp, red-hued focus. A tiny line of numbers blinked from the corner of the lenses.
"Yes, I'm sure. I'm not some fucking amateur." Naruto was horrible at controlling his body language; every angle of him screamed barely contained frustration.
"Then you're sure there's no one else in the building but us?"
"Yes."
"Quiet, both of you." Kakashi was leading the way through the hallways; he raised a claw to halt them and his head swivelled so he could glare at them while still watching the hallway ahead of them. Suddenly, his whole posture changed, snapping into something low slung and dangerous. "Unidentified entity alert."
Several things happened all at once.
Kakashi flickered forward, too fast to follow and a service panel opened in the wall, spilling a pair of men into the hallway. Sasuke drew both of his swords, Naruto extended his claws, Kakashi bristled with attachments that were probably capable of destroying city blocks, and the taller of the two men began shouting, and all of them were moving into fighting stances.
"Initialize directive thirty seven six twenty five oh bee ell oh ell!"
Kakashi froze, and his eyes went dim. Sasuke glared at the man who'd shouted and leaned ever so slightly forward. The edges of his swords rested against the man's neck; an assault rifle pressed under Sasuke's ribs. The other man had Naruto at the end of a broadsword. There was a soft click, and the walls caught fire.
Took him long enough, Sasuke thought sourly. What was the point of having a Rat on his team if said Rat was useless for anything but clawing people's eyes out? Sasuke could rip out eyes just fine on his own, damnit.
"Okay. I've heard this one before. A Rat, a Tax Collector, and a clockwork monstrosity walk into a highly fortified mafia office. The Taxi walks up to the bartender and says..."
Sasuke's eyebrow twitched and pressed his swords a little closer to the man's throat. "Shut up or I bathe in your blood."
"Ooh, kinky. I like that in a girl." The man had an obnoxious grin. It reminded Sasuke of Naruto, unsurprisingly enough. They were both blond and annoying.
"Um, guys?" Neither of them turned to look at Naruto. "No, for serious. I'm really bad a trapping. It was one of those things I never quite got the hang of, because, see, I have no control." The walls inched a little closer, and the flames turned greenish around the edges. "And in every one of my tests, my subjects' heads exploded. We lost so many topsiders that way. So, uh, don't move?"
The blond paled a little, but the assault rifle didn't move. "Okay. Why don't we start over, then?"
"Fine. Undo whatever you did to the monstrosity and we'll talk. Who are you and what are you doing here?" Sasuke's glasses began running numbers across the bottom of his field of vision. The words "no match" flashed across his eyes. Damn. Who the hell are these guys?
"Yeah, right. When I put that thing back on line, he'll rip my head off and eat it. They call them monstrosities for a reason. Tell His Majesty over there to untrap us, and we'll talk."
"His majesty?" Sasuke tilted his head just enough to glare at Naruto. "Foxface?"
Naruto swallowed audibly. "Hey, on second thought, why don't I blow up their heads anyway?"
The man with the broadsword sighed. "Quinn, you owe me a dollar."
The three of them glanced at him out of the corners of their eyes. He frowned. "What? Every time our lives get threatened in some ridiculous and excessive manner and it's entirely his fault, I get a dollar or free waffles. When it's my fault, he gets one. He already owes me a lifetime supply of waffles. I want cash now."
---
I make no excuses or apologies even though I know that made no. sense. whatsoever. ("Trapping" is what the more elite Rats do; it's sort of like genjutsu, if you want to think in Naruto terms- illusion stuff, hence the walls catching fire. The Rat hacks your brain, but if you're Naruto, you really shouldn't be screwing around with people's brains, because finesse really isn't his strong point.)
I couldn't not have them run into Quinn and Leo. I mean, it was their universe first, it's only fair. (And I love Quinn and Leo. They're both enormous dorks, and everything really is all Quinn's fault.)
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