Boffo- yes, he gets a theme song.

"I think we can all agree that something has to be done; my roommate used to be a perfectly ordinary soccer hooligan with an extensive knowledge of Humphrey Bogart movies and a taste for fine wine. Now he can't go outside without putting on SPF three hundred and has a taste for type O negative." Dei snagged the sugar bowl out of Tyler's hands before his brother could ruin his tea any further.

"It's not like Toby doesn't get a kick out of being a vampire- give that back, I wasn't done with it." Tyler reached across the table for the sugar.

Opal kicked him in the shins and glared at both of them over her own cup of tea. She looked like she wished she were drinking something a little stronger than tea. "Tyler, behave. Deo, nobody's arguing that we have to do something- it's just that the Nine don't want to get involved in human politics. The moratorium on reality shifting may be gone, but we're still an embarrassment to them, and they're trying to pretend Catenus' bid for power didn't happen."

Dei chewed absently on his thumbnail and tried to ignore the fuzzy feeling that settled in the pit of his stomach whenever Opal used that particular pet name. "The Nine might not want to get involved, but there are plenty of bored angels and demons who wouldn't mind helping us keep an eye on things. We could set up some kind of customs agency for inter-reality travel."

"A secret organization for controlling who comes in and who goes out? Like the Men in Black, only most of 'em won't be men, and they won't wear black?" Tyler lunged for the sugar bowl again, and missed.

"I can pretend he didn't just make that analogy, right?" Opal asked.

Dei shrugged. "I know I am."

"You both suck. But seriously, it's not a bad idea. We ask the Nine to put out a notice that the doors are open, but visitors have to go through customs, first, and follow our rules. The Fae have to keep the eco-terrorism to a minimum, dragons have to adhere to maximum size requirements, angels and demons don't get to interfere with major religions, etcetera, etcetera. We hire a couple of people to enforce the laws, we keep an eye on things-"

"In our copious free time, between expanding our monopoly on the music industry and upholding liberty, freedom, and the American way," Opal interrupted, mouth quirking. "It's a nice idea, but we can only do so much."

"He's got free time." Tyler jerked his thumb at Dei. "Hell, he's on the payroll anyway, he may as well do some work for a change. And the Nine love him, he can be the posterboy for the whole thing."

He set the sugar bowl on the floor at his feet and glared at his brother. "The Nine love me because I can take them apart with my eyes closed. Do you know how much ass kissing goes on in one of their council sessions? It's obscene."

"But you'll do it, right?"

"Of course. But I get to come up with a name. No stupid acronyms."

"Can I write you a theme song?" Tyler was inching his chair closer to Dei's, and the sugar bowl.

Dei snatched it off the floor. "No lyrics."

Tyler looked torn, but he relented. "Fine, no lyrics." Dei handed him the sugar bowl, and he proceeded to fill his teacup.

Opal put her head down on the table and covered her eyes, muttering. "Should I laugh? Should I cry?"

Tyler added a few spoonfuls of sugar to her cup. "Drink your tea, babe. You can help me with Dei's theme song."

---
No, they can't have a scene without tea. It just can't be done.

Little plot-y things: After peace between Heaven and Hell is established, they reinstate the Council of Nine to keep everything balanced and peaceful. It's made up of four angels, four demons, and one other, non-Celestial. Dei sat at the head of it for a few months, but he got fed up really quickly; they expected him to be sober, and this was reasonably soon after the end of the original story. He was having none of that "sober" thing. Feh.

And Toby is just a random guy who ends up living with Dei for reasons that are entirely Jubal and Len's fault. Everything is fine and dandy until he gets attacked by a vampire. Oops. (He's a good kid, though (not really a kid, but whatever), and once he gets over the trauma of being undead, he has way too much fun as a vampire.)

Tyler is such a spaz sometimes. He only ever acts like that around his brother; it's adorable.