You know, I really think today was all just a result of imbibing all that fanfic-generated angst last night. If the author does not finish the story in a timely fashion, I will stomp my foot quite petulantly. *sigh*

So regretting the loss of Disc 1 right now...and I was so close to the end of it, too, you know, just had to get past the Ancient Temple and the Bone Town and then that whole mess with the flower girl and whatnot- only another hour or three (probably closer to four, actually- I was this close to getting Aeris' level four limit, this close...and damn me if I didn't actually start to like using her in my party after all that limit breaking shiz...*snort*) and then I'd have been safe on Disc 2 and well on my way towards kicking the game's ass, yet again. *whines* Maaaaaan. I suppose, one of these days, I'll have to get around to beating the game. I've done it once, a very long time ago, but I think it's time to do so again.

FFVII holds a special place in my heart, you know- first playstation game and all that, yadda yadda, first thing I ever read/wrote fanfic for (that I was willing to show other people). 'Twas a Christmas present, you know, and at 2 in the morning, Christmas Day, we'd hooked it up and were giving it a whirl, when the Christmas tree fell over and nearly killed the cat. No joke- this was back when we got big Christmas trees, and the ceiling in the family room is some twelve or fourteen feet high, and I'm fairly sure the tree was something like twelve feet tall, with the angel- and before we'd even gotten around to naming Cloud, it fell over. I'm still not entirely sure it wasn't the game's fault- and then it happened again, so dad eventually had to wire the tree to the upper window. The brother had the game beat before the end of Christmas break, though it took me considerably longer, especially since I broke my thumb on mom's birthday (fun story that, and all because I was being a moron, "Surprise! Happy Birthday! Now take me to the emergency room since my hand's been bleeding for four hours straight!") and didn't have enough sense to walk in a straight line inside or outside the game. (Ah, seventh grade...too bad I can't remember you at all...not without thinking about it too hard, anyway).

Haven't felt any urge to replay VIII, mind you; took me four months to beat it, watched the ending sequence twice (dear gods, why did it have to be so long?) then wrapped it up and put it away, too irritated at it to play it again. Similar thing with IX, though I made a half hearted attempt at replaying that one, twice...until I got distracted by other things, namely Tactics and SO2.

Tactics has such ridiculous replay value that I doubt I'll ever tire of it. What? Ramza's already at level 99? He still hasn't mastered Time Mage! I will persevere! *cacklecackle* ...or something to that effect.

Other games...I'd replay X just to see the way things played through with Luzzu, instead of Gatti. (I actually went back, to a side save spot right before the crusader battle, just to see Luzzu's reaction...why is it that my favorite NPCs always have traumatic things happen to them? ...Luzzu was just so much cooler than Gatti, too, but at that point there was no way in all the nine circles of hell I was going to play the game through from that point, just to see a five second alteration to the ending sequence, not after I'd killed Omega and Ultima and gotten a bunch of the Ultimate Weapons and done that damned catuar thing and bought all those memory spheres- I just wasn't doing it.) I'd also replay X because the ending made me cry, and because damnit, it was pretty. And because Wakka amused me to no end, y'know?

Must beat SO2, so I can do it again with Claude's scenario, with Ernest and Opera and Bowman, instead of Ashton and Precis and Noel. (What, you think I'd keep Noel instead of Chisato? Shyeah, right. Noel's cute, but he doesn't fling razor edged identity badges at monsters. And his voice is annoying- though Chisato's is worse.) I have to get past Vesper and Decus first, of course...bastards.

Will most likely start SaGa Frontier2 before that happens. Looking forward to that, but I refuse to be playing two games at once- or rather, I refuse to start a new game without finishing an old, or at the very least, seeing what happens in the end. S'not enough to read spoilerfic, I have to actually see...so it might take a while. :)

Games that I'd like to play? Hmm...Xenogears, kinda, but only in the same way I'd kinda like to see Evangelion some day. Somewhat nervous and unsure about the whole concept of it, though I'm sure I'd splee over every single badly placed religious reference, after my brain stopped imploding from the incomprehensible plot. Vagrant Story, just to see Ashley's famous Assless Pants (tm) and Sydney's "Goriest death in RPG history". Also, because of a certain alternate reality fic that I read some time ago that caused my brain to break. Lessee, whatelse is there...I gave up on Legend of Dragoon (though I promise I'll find the instruction booklet, probably around the same time I find all those movies that I've been lent, and the last vestiges of my sanity and self esteem...I know I left them somewhere in my room...) so that just leaves the really obscure things, like Threads of Fate or things like that...Legend of Mana. Definitely Legend of Mana, because I've actually had dreams about the Seiken Densetsu series, and I never dream about games, no matter how much I'd like to. (Never is the wrong word, but it happens rarely enough to be a cause of child-like wonder and delight.)

I've realized, though, that I'll probably never get a PS2, nor a GameCube or X-Box (though I would refuse one of those on principle, anyway), and that's fine with me. If I can expand my PSX game library enough, I won't mind much, really. Hells, I don't mind much now, really, since games are changing to the point where I'm not certain I care to participate. Though I would like to play Kingdom Hearts, if only to hear the blasphemy that is Lance Bass doing Sephiroth's voice. *shudder* Like looking into hell...*giggle*

I am, in case you hadn't noticed, just rambling. Making noise, to fill the silence. Words to take up space. Anything to get my mind off everything...

(I'm listening to "Rockabye", and I think I might almost believe it, almost.)

If I didn't know I'd be severely chastized for it, I'd go and beat FFVII again right now- but I would be yelled at, and it would bring back all those memories of seventh grade that I'm sure i had a reason to forget, so I'll leave it be for now.

And now, "The Remedy"- so I guess things will be okay. I kinda wish I'd brought Ophelia home, but I think I'll practice the flute. It needs a name, only I can't figure out if it's male or female- the violin was quite very obviously female, most stringed instruments are (and stop looking at me like I'm crazy, I'll just close my eyes and pretend I don't see you). Naming her Ophelia took a while- it wasn't until Erica said something last year, at the Double Tree, and for a little while she was Rosalind since we were in a Shakespearian mood- but then, it being Shakespearian and a violin and my violin, she became Ophelia. And that was that. So now, the flute needs a name, and a personality, since I do believe I've grown attatched to it- part of me wants to think "her", but it really isn't.

Do note, please, that I never felt any urge to name the other damned noisemaker. Stupid clarinet. *grumps* Hnph.

Well...barring any better suggestions, I think I'll just name it Dee, which can be male or female, though since I'd only be naming it Dee because the flute is Dei's instrument of choice, it would follow that it would be male but...I think my flute has gender issues. *d'oi* *snort* Actually, that's probably just me...

Well, whatever. This post wasn't meant to be nearly this long, but hells, if I can't ramble in my own creative/free thought blog, where can I ramble? ...don't answer that. I can think of at least half a dozen places off the top of my head, but that's entirely beside the point.

The point is...hm. The point is, this place is mine, for better or for worse, and in the end that's all that really matters.
"Shine a light on all of your friends/ when it all amounts to nothing, in the end/ But I won't worry my life away..."
-"The Remedy", Jason Mraz

(I do believe I might do a layout change, soon- a real one. But then, I'm lazy, so don't hold your breath.)