Sometimes, you just get lost in the possibilities, the what haves and what ifs and whyevers and could I, should I, why didn't I sort of thoughts. You start to follow a thought, a barely whispered doubt and then the next thing you know you're six more years in the future, twelve years too late and you're asking yourself, "Is this who I want to be now? Is this who I'm going to be? Am I happy with my life like this, is this what I want, is this what I need, who am I, really? In the end, do I even know? Can I change it, can I stop it, can I be someone else, for a moment, maybe? Can I even be myself?"

And then you stop, because if you don't stop you'll die and you'll never know what it's like to be old enough to think those thoughts and feel those fears. Well, aside from the fact that you're feeling them now, but you hope that six years from now you'll be feeling those doubts about reasonable things, mature things, understandable things. Not the childish obsessions of a girl too dependent upon others to break away and create her own life.

Thinking in circles isn't a Tuesday thing, really. It's just a life thing, and I rather wish it weren't my life that were doing it.