Tired of being in love with a pathological liar.

I think I'm going to write Stella Matin for Nanowrimo this year; since we'll be working with it in Moneta, I may finish this year. It'll be kind of difficult, since half the group are people I know and like, and half the group are people I don't know well at all; I always feel like such an idiot, sharing (forcing) my writing with other people. Particularly the creative stuff- I would never actually ask someone to read any of the pieces scattered around the blog, and I abandoned the website because I couldn't stand the thought of encouraging other people to read what I'd written.

This doesn't mean that I don't want feedback, mind- I love hearing what people think. But actually asking someone to read something? No. I hate doing that, because I know they've always got something better to do, something better to read. Other people's ideas are more original, more planned out, more entertaining. I have no right to waste their time with my drivel.

I suppose it'll be good, though; between being an officer in Moneta and being in Verse Writing, I'll be forced to share.

Anyway, Stella Matin. I suppose the actual title will be Mourning Star, and, since the universe keeps expanding, it'll include Brenon and Theron's stories as well as Stella and Walker's. Because Theron may be one of my truly evil characters- and I don't do truly evil very often. Not with people I like, and I thought I liked Theron until he became a complete and utter bastard. Maybe he'll redeem himself, and he'll fix Brenon and they can move to the Caribbean and sip Mai Tais in the sun when not cheerfully molesting each other.

I kind of doubt Brenon will let himself be fixed after Stella enters the picture, though. Damn my characters and their ambiguous sexualities! It's been so long since any of them have admitted that they're just straight or gay...Bloody bastards can't make things easy for me, no, of course not. And of course all I really write are excessive and thinly veiled romance stories because I can't write anything else.

But, anyway once again. Brenon and Theron's part of the story happen in a steampunk sort of setting; they have steam engines and gas lights and things, but haven't quite gotten the hang of electricity yet. They're very creative with what they have, though, and it isn't unheard of for a crafter to specialize in engines and the like. Stella's story happens maybe a hundred years later, in a world kind of like our own, but with a more limited color palette. It's a bit like the eighties, actually. Cars and such, and primitive computers. Buildings that were built twenty years ago look like they've been around for twice as long, and the sky is very rarely blue. It's not a happy world that Stella died into.

Yeah, she's dead. They all are, by that point.

It's a very cold world. (And I think that's how it'll start, but it's too early in the month to know, really. Too early in the month to think about it in this much depth, and if I over think I'll just ruin it, the way I did last year.)

I don't write to say things, not really. If there's any recurring theme in my writing, it's about the importance of family and the importance of love in every day life- and that's mostly just Boffo, since none of the other stories are very well articulated or thought out. Seventh Hour was all about freedom and free will, I'll admit that, but it was mostly mythological wankery. Mostly just wankery, really. Some of the most beautiful writing I've ever managed, but a fuckload of wankery.

Meh. Only October, and I'm already tired. I'm stuck on the fringes of being what I want to be, and I'm tired of living off fringe benefits. (The title to this entry is more apt than you know.)