WARNING: Way too many details to follow- details of the disgusting and girly sort.

Don't say I didn't warn you, okay?

So, sometimes I wish I were a boy- usually just a few days a month. Like now, for instance.

There are, supposedly, girls who don't suffer much through their periods. Lucky bitches.

Oh, don't get me wrong, it's really almost quite pleasant. For instance, I just love being able to feel the walls of my uterus peeling away, bit by bit. That's always a great feeling. Makes me feel very in touch with my inner mother as my entire abdominal cavity decides to rearrange itself without my permission.

The not being able to walk thing, that's great too. Because when you're in so much pain in a more or less focused area so close to your legs, they just sort of sit there and tingle, instead of actually responding to motor commands. Nope, sorry, I'd love to get up from my desk, but that just ain't happening unless you've got a wheelchair handy, sorry. And when the numbness moves up through my back and shoulders to my arms- that's when it becomes far too much effort to do more than twitch my fingers, hence the reason why I'm being so jerky with the mouse.

The nausea's always lots of fun, too. I hate vomiting almost as much as I hate crying, so your chances are very slim of ever seeing me do either. Supposedly putting your head between your knees helps, and I really would like nothing more than to curl into a little ball of mindless pain, but it's a bit difficult to work when you're doing that.

Just a smidge.

Don't even ask about my current emotional state. Just. Don't. Fucking. Ask.

The bloating, that's always a great feeling. And the way my fingers swell from water retention until I can't fit my rings on them without making them ache- only most things ache, so that's hardly noticeable after awhile until I try to fidget with them (what else are they for, after all?) and I find that I can't because my fingers are too big.

I also tend to think in run on sentences because there's really no other way for me to keep track of much beyond the fact that- ow, fuck, this hurts way too fucking much.

I still can't decide whether it's better to grind my teeth down until my jaw hurts too much to talk or to just knaw on one of my fingers until it goes numb. Both actions have their pros and cons.

Actually, what I'd really like to be able to do is remove the lower half of my body- say, everything below the lungs. I've never had trouble with my lungs. My lungs and I get along just fine, as opposed to just about every aspect of my upper and lower abdomen. Except my kidneys. I'll keep them. Maybe my pancreas. But that's it.

What's really the worst part about this- the two worst things, really- is that it's not like this is a nice, constant pain. It's one of those fluctuating, throbbing pains that doesn't keep still, and just when you think it might be going away, it comes back again, twice as worse.

And I lost my bottle of advil and I've no idea where the other painkillers have been hidden around the house.

Fucking hell. I hate being a girl.